What's the funniest joke you've ever heard?!?!
Question: What's the funniest joke you've ever heard!?!!?
Funniest one gets best answer!(:Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five
dollars!" The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five
dollars from!.
The little girl replied: ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for
doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree!.
The mother told her daughter: "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see
your panties!."
''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl!.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I
got ten dollars!. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from!?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing
a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed!."
The mother replied: "Didn't I tell you that he is!.!.!.''
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy! I tricked
him, I didn't wear any panties today!.''
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dollars!" The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five
dollars from!.
The little girl replied: ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for
doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree!.
The mother told her daughter: "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see
your panties!."
''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl!.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I
got ten dollars!. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from!?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing
a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed!."
The mother replied: "Didn't I tell you that he is!.!.!.''
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy! I tricked
him, I didn't wear any panties today!.''
Www@Enter-QA@Com
This is a dumb blonde joke lol!.
To get into heaven, you have to walk up 100 steps on the Staircase into Heaven!. On each step, God tells a joke and you go to Hell if you laugh!.
The brunette gets to the 50th step and bursts out laughing and goes to Hell!.
The redhead gets to the 99th step, goes hysterical, and gets sent to Hell!.
The blonde gets all the way past the 100th step, and at the Gateway of Heaven, she bursts out laughing!. God asks "Why are you laughing!?" She responds, "I just got the first one!" Www@Enter-QA@Com
To get into heaven, you have to walk up 100 steps on the Staircase into Heaven!. On each step, God tells a joke and you go to Hell if you laugh!.
The brunette gets to the 50th step and bursts out laughing and goes to Hell!.
The redhead gets to the 99th step, goes hysterical, and gets sent to Hell!.
The blonde gets all the way past the 100th step, and at the Gateway of Heaven, she bursts out laughing!. God asks "Why are you laughing!?" She responds, "I just got the first one!" Www@Enter-QA@Com
True Story from Houston Medical Center
A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his Hoohoo!.
According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girl friend found the
Ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his hoohoo while he was asleep!.
I don't know what's worse:
1) Having your girl friend find out you're married!.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your hoohoo!.
3) Or finding out your hoohoo fits through your wedding ring!. Www@Enter-QA@Com
A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his Hoohoo!.
According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girl friend found the
Ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his hoohoo while he was asleep!.
I don't know what's worse:
1) Having your girl friend find out you're married!.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your hoohoo!.
3) Or finding out your hoohoo fits through your wedding ring!. Www@Enter-QA@Com
3 homeless guys come to a farm, they are really hungry, and start picking fruit and eating it!. The farmer catches 2 of them, makes them pick their favorite fruit and come to his attick!. He aims a shotgun at them and says swallow it whole!. 1st guys has picked grapes, no problem, he swallows!. 2nd guys has picked plums, he almost chokes!. 1st guys starts insanely laughing, farmer asks, whats funny!. He says look out the window, our friend is picking watermelons!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Its a bit blue, but if you don't mind!.!.!.
A tall woman met a midget at a party!. The midget was barely
three feet tall but they were attracted to each other!.
After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman's
apartment!.
"I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget,"
said the woman, "especially with the size difference and all!."
"Just take off your clothes, lie back on the bed, spread your legs apart and close your eyes," said the midget!.
The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest
thing she'd ever experienced inside her!.
Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times!.
"If you think that was good," said the midget with a smirk, "Just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A tall woman met a midget at a party!. The midget was barely
three feet tall but they were attracted to each other!.
After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman's
apartment!.
"I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget,"
said the woman, "especially with the size difference and all!."
"Just take off your clothes, lie back on the bed, spread your legs apart and close your eyes," said the midget!.
The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest
thing she'd ever experienced inside her!.
Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times!.
"If you think that was good," said the midget with a smirk, "Just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
there's 3 pregnant women the 1st women says i did it on my back so i'm gonna have a baby boy, then the 2nd women says i did it on my side so i'm gonna have a baby girl, then they see the blond crying n they ask what's tthe matter n she says "i'm gonna have puppies" lmao
what's a mixed feeling!? seeing your mother in law drive off a cliff with your new car
what do u call a bee that gives milk!? a boo beeWww@Enter-QA@Com
what's a mixed feeling!? seeing your mother in law drive off a cliff with your new car
what do u call a bee that gives milk!? a boo beeWww@Enter-QA@Com
There were 2 brothers that shared a room!. One was 18 and the other was 8!. The
18 year old brought home his girlfriend at midnight!. The little brother was
sleeping so they climbed quietly to the top bunk!. Things started getting hot and
heavy so the guy told his girlfriend if she wants a new position to say
"lettuce" and if she wants him to stop say "tomatoes"!. So she started saying
"lettuce, tomatoes, lettuce, tomatoes!.!.!.!. take it out I don't want to get
pregnant!." The little boy woke up and screamed, "Stop making sandwiches up
there, your getting mayonaise all over my face!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
18 year old brought home his girlfriend at midnight!. The little brother was
sleeping so they climbed quietly to the top bunk!. Things started getting hot and
heavy so the guy told his girlfriend if she wants a new position to say
"lettuce" and if she wants him to stop say "tomatoes"!. So she started saying
"lettuce, tomatoes, lettuce, tomatoes!.!.!.!. take it out I don't want to get
pregnant!." The little boy woke up and screamed, "Stop making sandwiches up
there, your getting mayonaise all over my face!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Doctor, Doctor
Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates!. One doctor steps forward and tells St!. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children!." St!. Peter lets him enter!.
The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives!." St!. Peter tells him to go ahead!.
The last man says, "I was an HMO manager!. I got countless families cost-effective health care!."
St!. Peter replies, "You may enter!. But," he adds, "you can only stay for three days!. After that, you can go to hell!."
Timing Is Everything
A guy shows up late for work!. The boss yells, "You should've been here at 8:30!"
The guy replies, "Why!? What happened at 8:30!?"
"Martin Levine, owner of a movie theater chain in New York City, has passed away at age 65," the newspaper obit read!. "The funeral will be held on Thursday at 2:10, 4:20, 6:30, 8:40 and 10:50!."
-- Merrill Markoe, Late Night With David Letterman, The Book (Villard)
What's in a Name!?
A young man called directory assistance!. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona!."
"There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix," the operator replied!. "Do you have a street name!?"
The young man hesitated, and then said, "Well, most people call me Ice Man!."
Quacking Up
A duck walks into a drugstore and asks for a tube of ChapStick!. The cashier says to the duck, "That'll be $1!.49!."
The duck replies, "Put it on my bill!"
Who's Counting!?
How many Deadheads does it take to change a light bulb!?
12,001!. That's one to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out!.
Explosively Funny
Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over!. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do!?"
A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help!. First, let's make sure he's really dead!."
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot!. Then Joe comes back to the phone!. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator!. "What do I do next!?"
After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball was tired!. He told the circus owner he was going to retire!.
"But you can't!" protested the boss!. "Where am I going to find another man of your caliber!?"
Say a Little Prayer
Squirrels had overrun three churches in town!. After much prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the animals were predestined to be there!. Who were they to interfere with God's will!? they reasoned!. Soon, the squirrels multiplied!.
The elders of the second church, deciding that they could not harm any of God's creatures, humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside of town!. Three days later, the squirrels were back!.
It was only the third church that succeeded in keeping the pests away!. The elders baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church!. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter!.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses!. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed!. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services!. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do!?"!. The operator says "Calm down!. I can help!. First, let's make sure he's dead!." There is a silence, then a shot is heard!. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what!?"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping!. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep!. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see!?"
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars!."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that!?"
Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there!. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life!."
And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent!."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby!. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen!. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming!. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you!."
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck!.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car!.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement!. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle!.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires!.
The blonde started laughing!.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield!.
This time the blonde laughed even harder!.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car!.
The blonde is now laughing hysteriWww@Enter-QA@Com
Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates!. One doctor steps forward and tells St!. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children!." St!. Peter lets him enter!.
The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives!." St!. Peter tells him to go ahead!.
The last man says, "I was an HMO manager!. I got countless families cost-effective health care!."
St!. Peter replies, "You may enter!. But," he adds, "you can only stay for three days!. After that, you can go to hell!."
Timing Is Everything
A guy shows up late for work!. The boss yells, "You should've been here at 8:30!"
The guy replies, "Why!? What happened at 8:30!?"
"Martin Levine, owner of a movie theater chain in New York City, has passed away at age 65," the newspaper obit read!. "The funeral will be held on Thursday at 2:10, 4:20, 6:30, 8:40 and 10:50!."
-- Merrill Markoe, Late Night With David Letterman, The Book (Villard)
What's in a Name!?
A young man called directory assistance!. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona!."
"There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix," the operator replied!. "Do you have a street name!?"
The young man hesitated, and then said, "Well, most people call me Ice Man!."
Quacking Up
A duck walks into a drugstore and asks for a tube of ChapStick!. The cashier says to the duck, "That'll be $1!.49!."
The duck replies, "Put it on my bill!"
Who's Counting!?
How many Deadheads does it take to change a light bulb!?
12,001!. That's one to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out!.
Explosively Funny
Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over!. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do!?"
A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help!. First, let's make sure he's really dead!."
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot!. Then Joe comes back to the phone!. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator!. "What do I do next!?"
After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball was tired!. He told the circus owner he was going to retire!.
"But you can't!" protested the boss!. "Where am I going to find another man of your caliber!?"
Say a Little Prayer
Squirrels had overrun three churches in town!. After much prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the animals were predestined to be there!. Who were they to interfere with God's will!? they reasoned!. Soon, the squirrels multiplied!.
The elders of the second church, deciding that they could not harm any of God's creatures, humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside of town!. Three days later, the squirrels were back!.
It was only the third church that succeeded in keeping the pests away!. The elders baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church!. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter!.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses!. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed!. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services!. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do!?"!. The operator says "Calm down!. I can help!. First, let's make sure he's dead!." There is a silence, then a shot is heard!. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what!?"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping!. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep!. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see!?"
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars!."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that!?"
Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there!. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life!."
And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent!."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby!. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen!. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming!. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you!."
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck!.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car!.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement!. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle!.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires!.
The blonde started laughing!.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield!.
This time the blonde laughed even harder!.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car!.
The blonde is now laughing hysteriWww@Enter-QA@Com
A man walks into a butchery and says to the butcher, "I bet you five hundred dollars you can't reach the meat off the top shelf!." The butcher looks up at the meat before replying, "Sorry, the steaks/stakes are too high!."
hahaha wow im so lame!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
hahaha wow im so lame!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
why don't witches wear undies whilst flying on a broomstick!?
so that they have better grip !!
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so that they have better grip !!
Www@Enter-QA@Com
the miget one is hillorious Www@Enter-QA@Com