Anybody Know a Good Joke?!
Question: Anybody Know a Good Joke!?
Anybody know a really good joke!? I used to know a few, but I've forgotten them over the years!. What are some of your favorites!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
lmao i just found these!.!.!.hahah they still make me laugh! lol a bit long i know but still hilarious!.!.!.
Two students are away on a skiing trip for the weekend!. They have a big exam on monday, so they plan to study throughout the weekend!. Of course, they are having way too much fun to do any real studying!.
Come monday morning, they realize there’s no way they will pass the exam, so they decide to call their professor with an excuse!. They tell him they are on their way back from the weekend, but their tire has blown out and they won’t be able to be back in time for the exam!. The professor is very understanding and says they can resit the exam on friday!. Gratefully they accept and go home to study all week!.
On friday the two students arrive at the professors office, all ready to take their test!. The professor puts each student in a different room and gives them the exam paper!. As the students turn it over to tart, they see there is only one question:
“Which tire!?
Italian Girl!.!.!.!.
For several years, an American man was having an affair with an Italian woman!.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant!. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child!.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18!. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born!. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back!. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin!.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife!.
'Honey,' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today!.' 'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said!. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted!.
On the card was written:
'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti!.
Three with meatballs, two without!.
'Send extra sauce
lol hahaha!.!.!.!.bet ur laughing now! Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two students are away on a skiing trip for the weekend!. They have a big exam on monday, so they plan to study throughout the weekend!. Of course, they are having way too much fun to do any real studying!.
Come monday morning, they realize there’s no way they will pass the exam, so they decide to call their professor with an excuse!. They tell him they are on their way back from the weekend, but their tire has blown out and they won’t be able to be back in time for the exam!. The professor is very understanding and says they can resit the exam on friday!. Gratefully they accept and go home to study all week!.
On friday the two students arrive at the professors office, all ready to take their test!. The professor puts each student in a different room and gives them the exam paper!. As the students turn it over to tart, they see there is only one question:
“Which tire!?
Italian Girl!.!.!.!.
For several years, an American man was having an affair with an Italian woman!.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant!. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child!.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18!. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born!. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back!. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin!.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife!.
'Honey,' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today!.' 'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said!. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted!.
On the card was written:
'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti!.
Three with meatballs, two without!.
'Send extra sauce
lol hahaha!.!.!.!.bet ur laughing now! Www@Enter-QA@Com
A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word
"definitely" to them!.
To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word,
she asks them to use it in a sentence!.
The first student raised his hand and said
"The sky is definitely blue"!.
The teacher said, "Well, that isnt entirely correct,
because sometimes its gray and cloudy"!.
Another student says, "Grass is definitely green!."
The teacher again replies "If grass doesnt get enough water it turns brown, so that isnt really correct either!.
"
Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps!?"
The teacher looked at him and said
"No!.!.!.But that isnt really a question you want to ask in class discussion!."
So the student replies,
"Then I definitely crapped my pants!."
Www@Enter-QA@Com
"definitely" to them!.
To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word,
she asks them to use it in a sentence!.
The first student raised his hand and said
"The sky is definitely blue"!.
The teacher said, "Well, that isnt entirely correct,
because sometimes its gray and cloudy"!.
Another student says, "Grass is definitely green!."
The teacher again replies "If grass doesnt get enough water it turns brown, so that isnt really correct either!.
"
Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps!?"
The teacher looked at him and said
"No!.!.!.But that isnt really a question you want to ask in class discussion!."
So the student replies,
"Then I definitely crapped my pants!."
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A man was mowing his front yard when his attractive, blonde, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to her mailbox!. She opened the mailbox, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house!. A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and again slammed it shut!. Angrily back into the house she went!.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, the blonde came out again!. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever!.
Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong!?"
She replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"
////////////
A blonde walks into the library!. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!"
The librarian looks up and calmly remarks - "So, you're the one who took our phone book!.!.!."
/////////
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown!. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass!.
Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one!?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!"
The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352!."
This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O!.K!., I'll keep to my end of the deal!. Take your pick of my flock!."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others!. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O!.K!., now I have a proposition for you!. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back!?"
////////////
A blonde named Anna had a near death experience!. The other day when she went horseback riding!. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control!. She tried with all her
might to hang on, but was thrown off!.
Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got
caught in the stirrup!. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground!. Her head continued
to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down!.
Just as she was giving up hope and
losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it!.
//////////////////
A blonde, a brunette and a readhead are stuck on an island!. For years and years they live there, until one day they find a magic lamp!. They rub and rub and sure enough out comes a genie!. The genie says "since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one!."
The brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life-- I just want to go home" !.!.!. POOF she is gone!.
The the red head makes her wish "This place sucks, I want to go home too" !.!.!. POOF she is gone!.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably!. The genie says to her "My dear what is the matter, "I wish my friends were here" !.!.!. POOF!!!
////////////////
A blonde woman is driving down the road!. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station!. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car!. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself!.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock!. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring!.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left!.!.!.a little more to the right!!.!.!."
//////////////Www@Enter-QA@Com
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, the blonde came out again!. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever!.
Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong!?"
She replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"
////////////
A blonde walks into the library!. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!"
The librarian looks up and calmly remarks - "So, you're the one who took our phone book!.!.!."
/////////
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown!. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass!.
Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one!?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!"
The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352!."
This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O!.K!., I'll keep to my end of the deal!. Take your pick of my flock!."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others!. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O!.K!., now I have a proposition for you!. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back!?"
////////////
A blonde named Anna had a near death experience!. The other day when she went horseback riding!. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control!. She tried with all her
might to hang on, but was thrown off!.
Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got
caught in the stirrup!. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground!. Her head continued
to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down!.
Just as she was giving up hope and
losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it!.
//////////////////
A blonde, a brunette and a readhead are stuck on an island!. For years and years they live there, until one day they find a magic lamp!. They rub and rub and sure enough out comes a genie!. The genie says "since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one!."
The brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life-- I just want to go home" !.!.!. POOF she is gone!.
The the red head makes her wish "This place sucks, I want to go home too" !.!.!. POOF she is gone!.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably!. The genie says to her "My dear what is the matter, "I wish my friends were here" !.!.!. POOF!!!
////////////////
A blonde woman is driving down the road!. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station!. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car!. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself!.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock!. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring!.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left!.!.!.a little more to the right!!.!.!."
//////////////Www@Enter-QA@Com
these 2 guys get lost in a jungles far from civilization!. and a tribe captures them!. the chief of the tribe goes up to the first guy and says!.!.!. "u have 2 choices death or mumba!." the the guy thinks to himself death is pretty harsh!.!.!. "ill take mumba" the a group of male tribe members take him into a tribe hut and have there way(gay sex) with him the second guy outside can hear his screams so when group of tribe men are done he goes free the tribe cheif walks up the the second guy and says!.!.!.!.!. "death or mumba" the second guy does not wanna go throught mumba so he says "DEATH!" the chief says "DEATH!! by mumba!.!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
4 australians:
there was an australian, an asian and an american and they were all transporting goods on the same plane
suddenly the pilot says!. we are losing altitude we are going to crash if we dont get lighter
so the american says!. well, we have lots of beef in our country!. so he throws off the beef
the asian goes, well we have lots of fish in our country so he throws of the fish
the australian looks around!. and says!. well, we have lots of asian in our country!. so he throughs the asian off
racist yess!.!.!.!.but soooo so funni
______________________________________!.!.!.
lil johnnie was sitting on the church porch one sunday squishing ants!. wish every squish he would say f**king ants
a priest noticed this and asked him why are you doing this to these ants!?
lil johnnie replied that the f**king ants didnt do anything
and the priest told him that, my child, every being on this planet is a child of gods!. everything has a purpose!. if you can come to me next sunday and tell me 3 things that serve no purpose on this earth, i will forgive you!.
so the next sunday the priest finds lil johnnie on the porch squishin ants again!. and again saying f**king ants with each squish!. so the priest comes up to him and asks!. dont you remember what i told you last week johnnie!?
and lil johnnie replied yes!. and i found 3 things that dont have a purpose in life
t*ts on a nun, balls on a priest and these f**king antsWww@Enter-QA@Com
there was an australian, an asian and an american and they were all transporting goods on the same plane
suddenly the pilot says!. we are losing altitude we are going to crash if we dont get lighter
so the american says!. well, we have lots of beef in our country!. so he throws off the beef
the asian goes, well we have lots of fish in our country so he throws of the fish
the australian looks around!. and says!. well, we have lots of asian in our country!. so he throughs the asian off
racist yess!.!.!.!.but soooo so funni
______________________________________!.!.!.
lil johnnie was sitting on the church porch one sunday squishing ants!. wish every squish he would say f**king ants
a priest noticed this and asked him why are you doing this to these ants!?
lil johnnie replied that the f**king ants didnt do anything
and the priest told him that, my child, every being on this planet is a child of gods!. everything has a purpose!. if you can come to me next sunday and tell me 3 things that serve no purpose on this earth, i will forgive you!.
so the next sunday the priest finds lil johnnie on the porch squishin ants again!. and again saying f**king ants with each squish!. so the priest comes up to him and asks!. dont you remember what i told you last week johnnie!?
and lil johnnie replied yes!. and i found 3 things that dont have a purpose in life
t*ts on a nun, balls on a priest and these f**king antsWww@Enter-QA@Com
Interviewer : What is is your date of birth!?
Candidate : 26th July
Interviewer : Which year!?
Candidate : Are you a mad every year man!?!!!! Www@Enter-QA@Com
Candidate : 26th July
Interviewer : Which year!?
Candidate : Are you a mad every year man!?!!!! Www@Enter-QA@Com
The big bad wolf said to little red ridding hood, " lift your shirt so I can suck your tittie"!. Little red ridding hood lifted her skirt and said, "eat me, like the damn books says!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
What do you call a dead blonde under your front porch!?
Last year's Hide and Go Seek WINNER!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Last year's Hide and Go Seek WINNER!Www@Enter-QA@Com
no Www@Enter-QA@Com
have u heard about the new muslim blow up dolls!?
they blow themselves up!Www@Enter-QA@Com
they blow themselves up!Www@Enter-QA@Com