Can you please give me a good joke?!
Question: Can you please give me a good joke!?
I need a good laugh right now so please provide a good joke!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
These two blondes walk into a building!.!.!.you'd think one of them would've seen it!.
*****
Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out!. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck!. Even the phones are out!.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together!."
The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together!."
*****
A blonde was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over!.
The policeman walks up to the blonde and says "Excuse m'am, could I please see your driving license and registration!."
The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together!. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
*****
A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country
road!. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned
about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in
big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft!.
As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with
shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the
tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off!.
"Do you realize what just happened!?" the station owner finally
uttered!.
"Yeah," said the blonde attendant!. "So!?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle!?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde!. "So!?"
"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle!?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant!. "So!?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means!?!"
The blonde attendant rolled her eyes!. "Good grief, boss! I've
been working here for five years!. Of course I know what 'UFO'
means - it means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'
Hope those made you laugh!. :)
God bless!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
*****
Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out!. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck!. Even the phones are out!.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together!."
The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together!."
*****
A blonde was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over!.
The policeman walks up to the blonde and says "Excuse m'am, could I please see your driving license and registration!."
The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together!. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
*****
A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country
road!. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned
about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in
big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft!.
As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with
shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the
tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off!.
"Do you realize what just happened!?" the station owner finally
uttered!.
"Yeah," said the blonde attendant!. "So!?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle!?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde!. "So!?"
"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle!?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant!. "So!?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means!?!"
The blonde attendant rolled her eyes!. "Good grief, boss! I've
been working here for five years!. Of course I know what 'UFO'
means - it means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'
Hope those made you laugh!. :)
God bless!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
the monkey joke was pretty good
anyway here's my joke!.!.
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day!. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St!. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths!. So what's your story!?"
The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed!. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding!. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off!. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers!. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay!. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly!. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy!."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in!.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story!.
"It's been a very strange day!. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony!. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge!. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me!. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony!. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me!. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands!. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right!. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here!."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death!.
The third man came to the front of the line, and St!. Peter asked for his story!.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator!.!.!."
its a bit long but worth it :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
anyway here's my joke!.!.
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day!. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St!. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths!. So what's your story!?"
The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed!. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding!. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off!. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers!. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay!. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly!. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy!."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in!.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story!.
"It's been a very strange day!. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony!. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge!. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me!. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony!. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me!. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands!. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right!. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here!."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death!.
The third man came to the front of the line, and St!. Peter asked for his story!.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator!.!.!."
its a bit long but worth it :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
The Wrinkled Nightgown
A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown!. Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs!. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown!. Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs!. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A woman gets on a bus with her baby!. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen!. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming!. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you!.”Www@Enter-QA@Com
I've got a few:
Two men are waiting outside heaven!. St Peter is a little late and they get to talking!. "So, how did you die!?" The first man asks!.
"I froze to death" replies the second man
"How horrible!" cries the first man, "what was it like"
"Dreadful! All cold and dark! So, how did you go!?" the second man asks
"I was convinced my wife was cheating on me so i rushed home early to find her just knitting in the bedroom!. I wasn't convinced so I ran all around the house looking for the b*stard!. I had just got to the kitchen when I had a heart attack and died!."
"That's ironic" The second man says, "If you had checked in the fridge first we'd both still be alive"
A blonde a brunette and a redhead are stranded on a desert island!. They find a lamp and rub it!. A genie appears and says "I will grant you all one wish"!. The brunette says "I want to go home" and she disappears with a pop!. The redhead also says "I want to go home" and she vanishes!. The blonde says "I'm lonely!. I want the other two back"
(no offence intended if i caused any)
A dog goes into a bar and orders a pint and a bag of crisps "Wow! that's amazing!" says the barman "There's a circus in town, you should get a job there"
"Why, do they need electricians!?"
Three nuns are waiting outside heaven!. St Peter appears and says "You must each answer a religious question before I can let you into heaven, they're not very difficult so don't worry" The first nun steps forward and St Peter asks her: "Who were the first people!?"
"Adam and Eve" ahe replies and St Peter says "Yup! You're in" The second nun steps forward and St Peter asks her: "Where did Adam and eve live!?" "The Garden of Eden" the nun answers!. "Yup! You're in!" says St Peter!. The last nun is the Mother Superior so St Peter warns her that her question will be a little harder than the other two's!. "What did Eve say when she first saw Adam!?" St Peter asks!. The nun thinks, "Oooh, that's a hard one!.!.!.!." she says!. "Yup! You're in!"
A little boy asks his mother "When will I grow up"
"Don't be silly, dear!." she answers, "You're a guy, you'll never grow up"
Hope these made you laugh :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two men are waiting outside heaven!. St Peter is a little late and they get to talking!. "So, how did you die!?" The first man asks!.
"I froze to death" replies the second man
"How horrible!" cries the first man, "what was it like"
"Dreadful! All cold and dark! So, how did you go!?" the second man asks
"I was convinced my wife was cheating on me so i rushed home early to find her just knitting in the bedroom!. I wasn't convinced so I ran all around the house looking for the b*stard!. I had just got to the kitchen when I had a heart attack and died!."
"That's ironic" The second man says, "If you had checked in the fridge first we'd both still be alive"
A blonde a brunette and a redhead are stranded on a desert island!. They find a lamp and rub it!. A genie appears and says "I will grant you all one wish"!. The brunette says "I want to go home" and she disappears with a pop!. The redhead also says "I want to go home" and she vanishes!. The blonde says "I'm lonely!. I want the other two back"
(no offence intended if i caused any)
A dog goes into a bar and orders a pint and a bag of crisps "Wow! that's amazing!" says the barman "There's a circus in town, you should get a job there"
"Why, do they need electricians!?"
Three nuns are waiting outside heaven!. St Peter appears and says "You must each answer a religious question before I can let you into heaven, they're not very difficult so don't worry" The first nun steps forward and St Peter asks her: "Who were the first people!?"
"Adam and Eve" ahe replies and St Peter says "Yup! You're in" The second nun steps forward and St Peter asks her: "Where did Adam and eve live!?" "The Garden of Eden" the nun answers!. "Yup! You're in!" says St Peter!. The last nun is the Mother Superior so St Peter warns her that her question will be a little harder than the other two's!. "What did Eve say when she first saw Adam!?" St Peter asks!. The nun thinks, "Oooh, that's a hard one!.!.!.!." she says!. "Yup! You're in!"
A little boy asks his mother "When will I grow up"
"Don't be silly, dear!." she answers, "You're a guy, you'll never grow up"
Hope these made you laugh :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
Here's two:
Murphy and Mahoney are driving along a road during a very stormy night!. Murphy spins out of control and flips his truck and gets pinned under the vehicle!. Mahoney is able to get free and is only slightly wounded!. He walks over to Murph who doesn't look so well and asks, "Murphy, is there ennithin' I can getcha!?" The rain is pouring on his face; blood dripping from his mouth!.
Murphy sputters, "get!.!.!.get!.!.!.me!.!.!.get me!.!.!.a!.!.!.Rabbi!."
Mahoney is shocked and confused and says, "Surely at a toim like this you'd want a priest, Lad!" Thunder and lightning surround them!.
Murphy sputters back, "yeah, but y'wouldn't think to bring a priest out on a night like this, now woodja!?"
******************
Murph is in the hospital and suddenly awakes from a coma!. His good friend Mahoney is by his side!. "Mahoney, are ye there, Lad!?"
"Aye," replies Mahoney!.
"Mahoney, y'know that bottle of Irish Whiskey I've had on me mantle for the past 12 years!?"
"Aye," Mahoney says with a twinkle in his eye!.
"I want you to do me a favor!. When I'm deed and gone and the worms are crawlin' in'n'out of me bones, will ya pour the drink over me grave!?"
Mahoney paused for a moment, then said, "Aye Lad!. I'll do this for ye!.!.!.!.but!.!.!.!.would ye mind if I pass it through me kidneys first!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Murphy and Mahoney are driving along a road during a very stormy night!. Murphy spins out of control and flips his truck and gets pinned under the vehicle!. Mahoney is able to get free and is only slightly wounded!. He walks over to Murph who doesn't look so well and asks, "Murphy, is there ennithin' I can getcha!?" The rain is pouring on his face; blood dripping from his mouth!.
Murphy sputters, "get!.!.!.get!.!.!.me!.!.!.get me!.!.!.a!.!.!.Rabbi!."
Mahoney is shocked and confused and says, "Surely at a toim like this you'd want a priest, Lad!" Thunder and lightning surround them!.
Murphy sputters back, "yeah, but y'wouldn't think to bring a priest out on a night like this, now woodja!?"
******************
Murph is in the hospital and suddenly awakes from a coma!. His good friend Mahoney is by his side!. "Mahoney, are ye there, Lad!?"
"Aye," replies Mahoney!.
"Mahoney, y'know that bottle of Irish Whiskey I've had on me mantle for the past 12 years!?"
"Aye," Mahoney says with a twinkle in his eye!.
"I want you to do me a favor!. When I'm deed and gone and the worms are crawlin' in'n'out of me bones, will ya pour the drink over me grave!?"
Mahoney paused for a moment, then said, "Aye Lad!. I'll do this for ye!.!.!.!.but!.!.!.!.would ye mind if I pass it through me kidneys first!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com