Can anyone give me a list of Christian jokes?!
Question: Can anyone give me a list of Christian jokes!?
Cause I'm Jewish foremost!. Kids, once in awhile make fun of my nationality and I wanna put some dirt in their face about their religion (mostly Christianity)!. So, any help would be great!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together!. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest!. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'!."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop!. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'!."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal!. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'!."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence!. The first three women give her this subtle "Well!.!.!.!.!.!?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper!. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God!.!.!.'!."
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The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop!. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'!."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal!. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'!."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence!. The first three women give her this subtle "Well!.!.!.!.!.!?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper!. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God!.!.!.'!."
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Betting on the Races
A Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in race horses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races!. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep, he ended up buying a donkey instead!. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the donkey came in third!.
The next day the racing sheets carried the headlines, "Preacher's A** shows"!.
The Preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again and this time he won! The papers said, "Preacher's A** out in Front"
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Preacher not to enter the donkey in another race!. The newspaper printed this headline, "Bishop Scratches Preacher's A**"
This was just too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to get rid of the animal!. The Preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent!. The headlines the next day read, “Nun has the Best A** in Town"
The Bishop fainted!. He informed the nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for $10!.00!. The paper stated, "Nun Peddles A** for Ten Bucks"
They buried the Bishop the next day!.
#2: Communications Problems
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave Rome!. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community!. So the Pope made a deal!. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community!. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay!. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave!.
The Jews realized that they had no choice!. They looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer!. It was too risky!. So they finally picked an old man named Moishe, who had spent his life sweeping up after people, to represent them!. Being old and poor, he had less to lose, so he agreed!. He asked only for one addition to the debate!.
Not being used to saying very much as he cleaned up around the settlement, he asked that neither side be allowed to talk!. The Pope agreed!. The day of the great debate came!. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers!. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger!. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head!. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat!. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine!. Moishe pulled out an apple!. The Pope stood up and said, 'I give up!. This man is too good!. The Jews can stay!.'
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened!.
The Pope said: 'First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity!. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions!. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us!. He responded by pointing to the ground, showing that God was also right here with us!. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins!. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin!. He had an answer for everything!. What could I do!?'
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted was impossible!. "What happened!?' they asked!. Well, said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here!. I told him that not one of us was leaving!. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews!. I let him know that we were staying right here!." "And then!?" asked a woman!. "I don't know," said Moishe!. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in race horses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races!. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep, he ended up buying a donkey instead!. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the donkey came in third!.
The next day the racing sheets carried the headlines, "Preacher's A** shows"!.
The Preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again and this time he won! The papers said, "Preacher's A** out in Front"
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Preacher not to enter the donkey in another race!. The newspaper printed this headline, "Bishop Scratches Preacher's A**"
This was just too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to get rid of the animal!. The Preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent!. The headlines the next day read, “Nun has the Best A** in Town"
The Bishop fainted!. He informed the nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for $10!.00!. The paper stated, "Nun Peddles A** for Ten Bucks"
They buried the Bishop the next day!.
#2: Communications Problems
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave Rome!. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community!. So the Pope made a deal!. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community!. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay!. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave!.
The Jews realized that they had no choice!. They looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer!. It was too risky!. So they finally picked an old man named Moishe, who had spent his life sweeping up after people, to represent them!. Being old and poor, he had less to lose, so he agreed!. He asked only for one addition to the debate!.
Not being used to saying very much as he cleaned up around the settlement, he asked that neither side be allowed to talk!. The Pope agreed!. The day of the great debate came!. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers!. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger!. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head!. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat!. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine!. Moishe pulled out an apple!. The Pope stood up and said, 'I give up!. This man is too good!. The Jews can stay!.'
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened!.
The Pope said: 'First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity!. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions!. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us!. He responded by pointing to the ground, showing that God was also right here with us!. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins!. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin!. He had an answer for everything!. What could I do!?'
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted was impossible!. "What happened!?' they asked!. Well, said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here!. I told him that not one of us was leaving!. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews!. I let him know that we were staying right here!." "And then!?" asked a woman!. "I don't know," said Moishe!. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Just say
Whats so good about your religion!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
Whats so good about your religion!?Www@Enter-QA@Com