Can you contribute a joke?!
Question: Can you contribute a joke!?
can you contribute a joke!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Son asks his dad, "whats the difference between conficence and confidential!?"
Dad says, "Well!.!.!. You're my Son, Im CONFIDENT about that!.!.!.!. You're friend across the street is also my Son but that is CONFIDENTIAL"
What did the egg say to the boiling water!?
I may take a while for me to get Hard, I just got Laid by this Chick Yesterday!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Dad says, "Well!.!.!. You're my Son, Im CONFIDENT about that!.!.!.!. You're friend across the street is also my Son but that is CONFIDENTIAL"
What did the egg say to the boiling water!?
I may take a while for me to get Hard, I just got Laid by this Chick Yesterday!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
a joke
(there, i contributed a joke) :)
seriously!.!.!.
A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into!. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher!. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries!.
The 911 dispatcher says, "Stay calm!. An officer is on the way!. He will be there in two minutes!."
Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again!.
"Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
(there, i contributed a joke) :)
seriously!.!.!.
A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into!. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher!. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries!.
The 911 dispatcher says, "Stay calm!. An officer is on the way!. He will be there in two minutes!."
Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again!.
"Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A - Knock knock!.
B - Who's there!?
A - It's me!.
B - Oh Christ, not you again!. I thought I told you to leave me alone!. I don't have your money, OK!? I spent it on a hooker!.
A - You owed me $50, though!
B - They're getting pricey these days, what with the economy being so crappy!.
A - I hope she was good!.
B - She wasn't, for your information!. Next time, I'll do better research!. I have herpes now, thanks!.
A - That sucks!.
B - Yes, it really does!. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go take my medication to lessen the horrible symptoms!.
A - Wow, that's terrible!. I still want the money by next Tuesday, though!.
B - *slams door in A's face*
A - OW! *profuse swearing* I!.!.!. I think you broke my toe!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
B - Who's there!?
A - It's me!.
B - Oh Christ, not you again!. I thought I told you to leave me alone!. I don't have your money, OK!? I spent it on a hooker!.
A - You owed me $50, though!
B - They're getting pricey these days, what with the economy being so crappy!.
A - I hope she was good!.
B - She wasn't, for your information!. Next time, I'll do better research!. I have herpes now, thanks!.
A - That sucks!.
B - Yes, it really does!. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go take my medication to lessen the horrible symptoms!.
A - Wow, that's terrible!. I still want the money by next Tuesday, though!.
B - *slams door in A's face*
A - OW! *profuse swearing* I!.!.!. I think you broke my toe!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
A cat died and went to Heaven!. God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years!. Anything that you want is yours for the asking!." The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors!. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on!." God said, "Say no more!." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow!. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together!. God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat!. The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms!. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again!." God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates!. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat!. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow!. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay!? How you been doing!? Are you happy!?" The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport!. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking!. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles!. The weather head is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight!. Now sit back and relax!.!.!.
OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier!. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap!. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Business class yelled, "That's nothing!. You should see the back of mine!" ========================================!.!.!.
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg has been invited to a fancy dress party!. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem!. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note!.
"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit!. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate!."
The man thinks this is a terrible idea because they have just emphasised his wooden leg, so he writes a really rude letter of complaint!. A week passes and he receives another parcel with a note!.
"Dear Sir, sorry about our previous suggestion!. Please find enclosed a monk's habit!. The long robe will cover your wooden leg, and with your bald head you will really look the part!."
Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasising his wooden leg to his bald head, so he writes an extremely rude letter of complaint!. The next day he receives a small parcel with a note inside!.
"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a tin of golden syrup!. Pour the tin of golden syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your **** and go as a toffee apple
Www@Enter-QA@Com
This dumb blonde goes to the doctor saying that her whole body aches!. She pointed to each area of her body and said that it hurt!. After close examination the doctor said to her "Maam, it appears you have a broken finger"
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
This girl who speaks bad English goes to an employment agency looking for a job!. To test her English, the agent asks her to make a sentence with the colours red, green, pink, yellow, blue, purple, and black!.
Girl: While I RED my book, I hear phone GREEN GREEN so I PINK up the PHONE!. I say YELLOW, BLUE's that!? No answer!. I say "Next time, don't call on PURPLE"!. After that, I go BLACK to REDing my book!.
Agent: [in a sarcastic manner] Okay, you can go BLACK home now and wait for phone GREEN GREENWww@Enter-QA@Com
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
This girl who speaks bad English goes to an employment agency looking for a job!. To test her English, the agent asks her to make a sentence with the colours red, green, pink, yellow, blue, purple, and black!.
Girl: While I RED my book, I hear phone GREEN GREEN so I PINK up the PHONE!. I say YELLOW, BLUE's that!? No answer!. I say "Next time, don't call on PURPLE"!. After that, I go BLACK to REDing my book!.
Agent: [in a sarcastic manner] Okay, you can go BLACK home now and wait for phone GREEN GREENWww@Enter-QA@Com
Hey, want some lame ones!?
What do you call a sleeping cow!? A bulldozer!.
Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions!?
What do you get when you squeeze an olive!? Oliver Twist!
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn!? She had mittens!
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday!? "Thanks, I'll never part with it!"
What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat!? Polly Unsaturated
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear!? Because when he tried to make a second one he
made a Boo-Boo!.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car!? Robin, get in the car!.
When is a car not a car!? When it turns into a driveway!.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public!? A private tutor!.
What do you call two men with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall!? Curt and Rod (curtain rod)
What goes 99-thump, 99-thump!? A centipede with a wooden leg!.
Why was the man arrested for waiting in the Big Top!? He was loitering within tent!.
What do you call a deer with no eyes!? No idea!. (no eye dear) What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes!? Still no idea!.
What's long, yellow and fruity!? An apple in disguise!.
What's black white black white black white black white black white!.!.!.a penguin rolling down the stairs!.
Why did the elephant paint his toenails different colors!? So he could hide in the M&M dish without being seen!
Why does E!.T!. have such big eyes!? Because he saw his phone bill!.
Two vomits were walking down the street when one started to cry!. The other said, "What's wrong!?" The first replied, "This is where I was brought up!"
Why were all the ink spots crying!? Their father was in the pen!.
What did the dog say to the tree!? bark!.
Why was Tigger looking in the toilet!? To find Pooh
What's the difference between a guy falling from the 1st floor and one falling from the 17th floor , the guy falling from the first goes, ' splat , Aaaaaaaargh " and the one from the 17th goes, " Aaaaaaargh , splat "!.
What do you call spending the afternoon with a cranky rabbit!? A bad hare day!.
Once upon a time, long long ago, in a land far far away there lived a woman who was just too busy! She decided to make a clone of herself so she could get twice as much work done!. Well, the clone helped her a lot, but it also gave her a bad reputation because the clone constantly swore!. One day, the woman couldn't take her clone's foul mouth anymore, so she took it to the top of a building and pushed it off!. Soon after, the woman was arrested for making an obscene clone fall!.
Why did the booger cross the road, because he was being picked on
What did one casket say to the other casket!? Is that you coffin!?
What time did the man go to the dentist!? Tooth hurty!.
What's Irish and stays out all night!? Paddy 'O Furniture!.
Where do kings keep their armies!? In their sleevies!.
How to you organize a spacey party!? You planet!.
How do you start a book about ducks!?!.!.!.With an introduction!.
How do you catch a rabbit!? Hide behind a tree and make carrott noises!.
What do you get when you cross 100 pigs with 100 deer!? 200 sows and bucks!!!
Why can't you play cards in the jungle!? Because there's too many cheetas!
What did one frog say to the other!? Time's sure fun when you're having flies!
Why don't anteaters get sick!? Because they're full of anty-bodies!
What do you call an Italian feline trying on clothes!? Catalina dressing!.
If a athlete get's athlete's foot what does an astronaut get!? Mistle Toe!.
Santa says to Mrs!. Claws "Any idea what the weather will be like for Christmas!?"!. Mrs Claws: "Look's like rain, dear"
What did the digital watch say to his mom!? "Look mom no hands!."
How does the gingerbread man make his bed!? With cookie sheets!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
What do you call a sleeping cow!? A bulldozer!.
Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions!?
What do you get when you squeeze an olive!? Oliver Twist!
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn!? She had mittens!
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday!? "Thanks, I'll never part with it!"
What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat!? Polly Unsaturated
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear!? Because when he tried to make a second one he
made a Boo-Boo!.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car!? Robin, get in the car!.
When is a car not a car!? When it turns into a driveway!.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public!? A private tutor!.
What do you call two men with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall!? Curt and Rod (curtain rod)
What goes 99-thump, 99-thump!? A centipede with a wooden leg!.
Why was the man arrested for waiting in the Big Top!? He was loitering within tent!.
What do you call a deer with no eyes!? No idea!. (no eye dear) What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes!? Still no idea!.
What's long, yellow and fruity!? An apple in disguise!.
What's black white black white black white black white black white!.!.!.a penguin rolling down the stairs!.
Why did the elephant paint his toenails different colors!? So he could hide in the M&M dish without being seen!
Why does E!.T!. have such big eyes!? Because he saw his phone bill!.
Two vomits were walking down the street when one started to cry!. The other said, "What's wrong!?" The first replied, "This is where I was brought up!"
Why were all the ink spots crying!? Their father was in the pen!.
What did the dog say to the tree!? bark!.
Why was Tigger looking in the toilet!? To find Pooh
What's the difference between a guy falling from the 1st floor and one falling from the 17th floor , the guy falling from the first goes, ' splat , Aaaaaaaargh " and the one from the 17th goes, " Aaaaaaargh , splat "!.
What do you call spending the afternoon with a cranky rabbit!? A bad hare day!.
Once upon a time, long long ago, in a land far far away there lived a woman who was just too busy! She decided to make a clone of herself so she could get twice as much work done!. Well, the clone helped her a lot, but it also gave her a bad reputation because the clone constantly swore!. One day, the woman couldn't take her clone's foul mouth anymore, so she took it to the top of a building and pushed it off!. Soon after, the woman was arrested for making an obscene clone fall!.
Why did the booger cross the road, because he was being picked on
What did one casket say to the other casket!? Is that you coffin!?
What time did the man go to the dentist!? Tooth hurty!.
What's Irish and stays out all night!? Paddy 'O Furniture!.
Where do kings keep their armies!? In their sleevies!.
How to you organize a spacey party!? You planet!.
How do you start a book about ducks!?!.!.!.With an introduction!.
How do you catch a rabbit!? Hide behind a tree and make carrott noises!.
What do you get when you cross 100 pigs with 100 deer!? 200 sows and bucks!!!
Why can't you play cards in the jungle!? Because there's too many cheetas!
What did one frog say to the other!? Time's sure fun when you're having flies!
Why don't anteaters get sick!? Because they're full of anty-bodies!
What do you call an Italian feline trying on clothes!? Catalina dressing!.
If a athlete get's athlete's foot what does an astronaut get!? Mistle Toe!.
Santa says to Mrs!. Claws "Any idea what the weather will be like for Christmas!?"!. Mrs Claws: "Look's like rain, dear"
What did the digital watch say to his mom!? "Look mom no hands!."
How does the gingerbread man make his bed!? With cookie sheets!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
THE LIE CLOCK
A man died and went to heaven!. As he stood in front of St!. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him!.
He asked, ' What are all those clocks!? '
St!. Peter answered, ' Those are Lie-Clocks!. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock!.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move!. '
' Oh, ' said the man, ' whose clock is that!? '
' That ' s Mother Teresa ' s!. The hands have never moved, indicating
that she never told a lie!. '
' Incredible, ' said the man ' !. And whose clock is that one!? '
St!. Peter responded, ' That ' s Abraham Lincoln ' s clock!. The hands
have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire
life!.'
'Where's our President's clock!?' asked the man!.
'President's clock is in Jesus' office!.
He's using it as a ceiling fan!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A man died and went to heaven!. As he stood in front of St!. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him!.
He asked, ' What are all those clocks!? '
St!. Peter answered, ' Those are Lie-Clocks!. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock!.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move!. '
' Oh, ' said the man, ' whose clock is that!? '
' That ' s Mother Teresa ' s!. The hands have never moved, indicating
that she never told a lie!. '
' Incredible, ' said the man ' !. And whose clock is that one!? '
St!. Peter responded, ' That ' s Abraham Lincoln ' s clock!. The hands
have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire
life!.'
'Where's our President's clock!?' asked the man!.
'President's clock is in Jesus' office!.
He's using it as a ceiling fan!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two cows are standing in a field!. One says to the other "are you worried about the mad cow disease!?" The other cow replies
"Of course not, why should I be, I'm a possum"
I know very sad, I must give credit to my gf for that :D enjoy :DWww@Enter-QA@Com
"Of course not, why should I be, I'm a possum"
I know very sad, I must give credit to my gf for that :D enjoy :DWww@Enter-QA@Com
This one is silly but it made me laugh:
Why do gorillas have big nostrils!?
Because they have big fingers!. :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
Why do gorillas have big nostrils!?
Because they have big fingers!. :)Www@Enter-QA@Com