Some lame jokes for you to shake your head and laugh?!
Question: Some lame jokes for you to shake your head and laugh!?
Two guys meet up in a bar!. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead!?!?!!!"
"Woah, what the hell happened to him!?"
"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window!."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all!. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor!. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up!. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones!."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that!. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor!. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him!."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that!. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen!. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him!."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him!."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that!.!.!."
"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die!?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him!? What the hell did you shoot him for!?"
"He was wrecking my house!."
2!.Woman: Is there a problem, Officer!?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding!.
Woman: Oh, I see!.
Officer: Can I see your license please!?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one!.
Officer: Don't have one!?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving!.
Officer: I see!.!.!.Can I see your vehicle registration papers please!.
Woman: I can't do that!.
Officer: Why not!?
Woman: I stole this car!.
Officer: Stole it!?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner!.
Officer: You what!?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see!.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up!. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car!. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun!.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle!.
Woman: Is there a problem sir!?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner!.
Woman: Murdered the owner!?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please!.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk!.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am!?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers!.
The first officer is stunned!.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license!.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer!. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license!. He looks quite puzzled!.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner!.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too
I think im gonna try the last one if ever a cop stops me for speeding!. LmaoWww@Enter-QA@Com
"Woah, what the hell happened to him!?"
"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window!."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all!. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor!. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up!. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones!."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that!. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor!. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him!."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that!. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen!. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him!."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him!."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that!.!.!."
"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die!?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him!? What the hell did you shoot him for!?"
"He was wrecking my house!."
2!.Woman: Is there a problem, Officer!?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding!.
Woman: Oh, I see!.
Officer: Can I see your license please!?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one!.
Officer: Don't have one!?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving!.
Officer: I see!.!.!.Can I see your vehicle registration papers please!.
Woman: I can't do that!.
Officer: Why not!?
Woman: I stole this car!.
Officer: Stole it!?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner!.
Officer: You what!?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see!.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up!. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car!. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun!.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle!.
Woman: Is there a problem sir!?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner!.
Woman: Murdered the owner!?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please!.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk!.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am!?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers!.
The first officer is stunned!.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license!.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer!. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license!. He looks quite puzzled!.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner!.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too
I think im gonna try the last one if ever a cop stops me for speeding!. LmaoWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
LMFAO haha i love the first one
lol im guna try the second one :]PWww@Enter-QA@Com
lol im guna try the second one :]PWww@Enter-QA@Com
I enjoyed both of these jokes, and I am surprised that only one answerer has said the first one dragged on, personally I prefer a long story to a joke but when I post one they all say ' to long ' well done!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.lol!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
why are giraffes necks so long!?!? cuz their feet smell so bad! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!.!.!. XDWww@Enter-QA@Com
Silly but funny! 10!Www@Enter-QA@Com
hilaroius! my favorite one is the second one! :D im gonna give you a star!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
The first one was dragging along a bit but the second one cracked me up bad!. Cool!Www@Enter-QA@Com
LMAOWww@Enter-QA@Com