I need...the funniest jokes around?!
Question: I need!.!.!.the funniest jokes around!?
Make me laugh it's worth alot for best answer!.
make me wanna pee!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
make me wanna pee!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
A hitting joke
A little boy and a little girl, both about eight years old, were playing
in the sandbox!. Unexpectedly, the little boy farts, causing a little
sand between his legs to shift!. The little girl notices, and squeals
with laughter, "How'd you do that!?"
"Easy," he exclaimed, "I just farted!"
"Can I try it!?" she asks!.
"Sure," he says, "anybody can do it!."
She concentrates as she strains and grunts!. Suddenly, there's a huge
explosion, the sides of the sandbox fly off, all the sand flies out!. The
little boy is thrown 20 feet, ending up against a tree!. He groggily gets
to his feet, runs back to where the little girl is!. He finds her laying
on the ground out cold, flat on her back, spread eagled!.
Curiously, he lifts up her dress, peeks underneath, and loudly exclaims
"Just what I thought!.!.!.!.!.!.
!.!.!.DUAL EXHAUST!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A little boy and a little girl, both about eight years old, were playing
in the sandbox!. Unexpectedly, the little boy farts, causing a little
sand between his legs to shift!. The little girl notices, and squeals
with laughter, "How'd you do that!?"
"Easy," he exclaimed, "I just farted!"
"Can I try it!?" she asks!.
"Sure," he says, "anybody can do it!."
She concentrates as she strains and grunts!. Suddenly, there's a huge
explosion, the sides of the sandbox fly off, all the sand flies out!. The
little boy is thrown 20 feet, ending up against a tree!. He groggily gets
to his feet, runs back to where the little girl is!. He finds her laying
on the ground out cold, flat on her back, spread eagled!.
Curiously, he lifts up her dress, peeks underneath, and loudly exclaims
"Just what I thought!.!.!.!.!.!.
!.!.!.DUAL EXHAUST!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Stuttering Problem
A guy walks into his doctor's office and says, "Ddddoc, I've bbbeen sssttttuttering ffor yyears and III'm tired of it!. Ccccan yyyou hehehelp mmme!?!?!?"
The doc says, "Well, I'll have to examine you first before I can answer you!."
The doc examines him and says, "Well, I'm pretty sure that I know what the problem is!."
The guy asks, "wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc!?"
The doc says,"It's your penis!. It's about about 18 inches long and all of the down pressure is putting a strain on your vocal chords!."
The guy asks, "Wwwhat ccan wwe ddo about it!?"
The doc replies, "Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one!. I can guarantee that the operation will cure your stuttering!."
The guy says, "Dddo it!"
The guy has the operation and about four weeks later he comes back to the doctor's office and says, "Thanks Doc!. You've solved my problem and I don't stutter any more but I've only had sex once in the past month!. My wife doesn't enjoy it any more!. I cannot satisfy her!. She liked my long penis!. I don't care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back one!"
The doc replies, "Nnnnope!. A ddddeal's a ddddeal!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
A guy walks into his doctor's office and says, "Ddddoc, I've bbbeen sssttttuttering ffor yyears and III'm tired of it!. Ccccan yyyou hehehelp mmme!?!?!?"
The doc says, "Well, I'll have to examine you first before I can answer you!."
The doc examines him and says, "Well, I'm pretty sure that I know what the problem is!."
The guy asks, "wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc!?"
The doc says,"It's your penis!. It's about about 18 inches long and all of the down pressure is putting a strain on your vocal chords!."
The guy asks, "Wwwhat ccan wwe ddo about it!?"
The doc replies, "Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one!. I can guarantee that the operation will cure your stuttering!."
The guy says, "Dddo it!"
The guy has the operation and about four weeks later he comes back to the doctor's office and says, "Thanks Doc!. You've solved my problem and I don't stutter any more but I've only had sex once in the past month!. My wife doesn't enjoy it any more!. I cannot satisfy her!. She liked my long penis!. I don't care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back one!"
The doc replies, "Nnnnope!. A ddddeal's a ddddeal!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
a woman goes to a plastic surgeon and asks for a face lift and the Dr says "Actually now days we are far advanced and we do not need to do surgery I will just implant a nob under each ear and you just tighten them as you need a face lift" the woman goes away happily but 10 years later she returns and says Dr, something is wrong I seem to have bags under my eyes" the Dr!. checks out this problem for some time then says "Aha, I see the problem, you have been turning those nobs too often, the bags under your eyes are your breasts" and she replies " Ah, that explains the goatee"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two muffins are sitting in an oven!. One is a blueberry muffin and the other is a chocolate chip muffin!.
After a while, the chocolate chip muffin says to the blueberry muffin "My damn! Is it getting hot in here or is it just me!?!"
The blueberry muffin turns to the chocolate chip muffin and says "AHHH, a talking muffin!?!!?!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
After a while, the chocolate chip muffin says to the blueberry muffin "My damn! Is it getting hot in here or is it just me!?!"
The blueberry muffin turns to the chocolate chip muffin and says "AHHH, a talking muffin!?!!?!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
7 dwarfs in a shower
There were 7 dwarfs in a shower all feeling happy, but then happy got out so they started feeling grumpy instead!
Knock-Knock
Knock knock
Whos There!?
Lettuce
Lettuce Who!?
Let-us-in!!
Don't Look!
A man is walking by an insane asylum and hears all the residents chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
Quite curious about all this, he finds a hole in the fence, looks in and someone pokes him in the eye!.
Everyone in the asylum starts chanting "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
There were 7 dwarfs in a shower all feeling happy, but then happy got out so they started feeling grumpy instead!
Knock-Knock
Knock knock
Whos There!?
Lettuce
Lettuce Who!?
Let-us-in!!
Don't Look!
A man is walking by an insane asylum and hears all the residents chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
Quite curious about all this, he finds a hole in the fence, looks in and someone pokes him in the eye!.
Everyone in the asylum starts chanting "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
WHO IS JACK SCHITT!?
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt!?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack
Schitt'! Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an
intellectual way!. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt!. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer
magnate, who married O!. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N!. Schitt, Inc!. They had one son, Jack!. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt!. The deeply religious couple produced
six children: Holie Schitt, Gi va Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt!.Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout!. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced!. Noe
Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name!. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock!.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a
rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt!. Two of the other six children,
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony!. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials!. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse!. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world!. He came home with his Italian wife; Piza Schitt
By Crock O Schit
======================================!.!.!.
A cat died and went to Heaven!. God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years!. Anything that you want is yours for the asking!." The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors!. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on!." God said, "Say no more!." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow!. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together!. God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat!. The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms!. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again!." God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates!. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat!. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow!. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay!? How you been doing!? Are you happy!?" The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!
======================================!.!.!.
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport!. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking!. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles!. The weather head is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight!. Now sit back and relax!.!.!.
OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier!. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap!. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Business class yelled, "That's nothing!. You should see the back of mine!" ========================================!.!.!.
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg has been invited to a fancy dress party!. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem!. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note!.
"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit!. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate!."
The man thinks this is a terrible idea because they have just emphasised his wooden leg, so he writes a really rude letter of complaint!. A week passes and he receives another parcel with a note!.
"Dear Sir, sorry about our previous suggestion!. Please find enclosed a monk's habit!. The long robe will cover your wooden leg, and with your bald head you will really look the part!."
Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasising his wooden leg to his bald head, so he writes an extremely rude letter of complaint!. The next day he receives a small parcel with a note inside!.
"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a tin of golden syrup!. Pour the tin of golden syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your **** and go as a toffee apple
Www@Enter-QA@Com
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt!?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack
Schitt'! Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an
intellectual way!. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt!. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer
magnate, who married O!. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N!. Schitt, Inc!. They had one son, Jack!. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt!. The deeply religious couple produced
six children: Holie Schitt, Gi va Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt!.Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout!. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced!. Noe
Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name!. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock!.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a
rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt!. Two of the other six children,
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony!. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials!. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse!. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world!. He came home with his Italian wife; Piza Schitt
By Crock O Schit
======================================!.!.!.
A cat died and went to Heaven!. God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years!. Anything that you want is yours for the asking!." The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors!. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on!." God said, "Say no more!." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow!. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together!. God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat!. The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms!. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again!." God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates!. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat!. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow!. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay!? How you been doing!? Are you happy!?" The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!
======================================!.!.!.
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport!. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking!. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles!. The weather head is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight!. Now sit back and relax!.!.!.
OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier!. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap!. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Business class yelled, "That's nothing!. You should see the back of mine!" ========================================!.!.!.
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg has been invited to a fancy dress party!. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem!. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note!.
"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit!. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate!."
The man thinks this is a terrible idea because they have just emphasised his wooden leg, so he writes a really rude letter of complaint!. A week passes and he receives another parcel with a note!.
"Dear Sir, sorry about our previous suggestion!. Please find enclosed a monk's habit!. The long robe will cover your wooden leg, and with your bald head you will really look the part!."
Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasising his wooden leg to his bald head, so he writes an extremely rude letter of complaint!. The next day he receives a small parcel with a note inside!.
"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a tin of golden syrup!. Pour the tin of golden syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your **** and go as a toffee apple
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes!?" The other replies, "Well I don't
know!. You should pray to God about that and ask him!." So that night he did
and God replied, "You are what you are!." The next day he said to the other
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are!." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
stripes or white with black stripes!?" The other replies, "Well I don't
know!. You should pray to God about that and ask him!." So that night he did
and God replied, "You are what you are!." The next day he said to the other
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are!." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses!. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up!. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny!?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up!. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny!?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A SAD STORY:
A
BOY
IS
SO
JEALOUS
OF
HIS
NEW
BORN
BROTHER
SO
ONE
DAY
THE
BOY
PUT
MELANINE
ON
THE
NIPPLE
OF HIS MOTHER
SO
ONE
DAY
THEIR
DRIVER DIED
:(SO SAD!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A
BOY
IS
SO
JEALOUS
OF
HIS
NEW
BORN
BROTHER
SO
ONE
DAY
THE
BOY
PUT
MELANINE
ON
THE
NIPPLE
OF HIS MOTHER
SO
ONE
DAY
THEIR
DRIVER DIED
:(SO SAD!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
ah ah ah really funny!. please give me best answer ireally need it!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Why did the chicken cross the road!?
To get to the other side!!
GET IT!?!!?!Www@Enter-QA@Com
To get to the other side!!
GET IT!?!!?!Www@Enter-QA@Com