The first person who tells me a joke that makes me laugh i will give ten points?!
Question: The first person who tells me a joke that makes me laugh i will give ten points!?
i dont know how to give ten points so you have to tell me how to do that to because i just started sorryWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Okay, here's one of my personal favorites:
The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls!.
I promised my boyfriend that I would be home by midnight!.
Well, the hours passed And the margaritas went down way too easy!.
Around 3 a!.m!., a bit loaded, I headed for home!.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up
and cuckooed three times!.
Quickly, realizing my boyfriend would probably wake up, I cuckooed another nine times!.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed),
In order to escape a possible conflict with him!.
The next morning my boyfriend asked me what time I got in and I told him "Midnight!."
He didn't seem pissed off at all!.
Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock!."
When I asked him why, he said, ;
"Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said,
"Oh ****," cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted!Www@Enter-QA@Com
The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls!.
I promised my boyfriend that I would be home by midnight!.
Well, the hours passed And the margaritas went down way too easy!.
Around 3 a!.m!., a bit loaded, I headed for home!.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up
and cuckooed three times!.
Quickly, realizing my boyfriend would probably wake up, I cuckooed another nine times!.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed),
In order to escape a possible conflict with him!.
The next morning my boyfriend asked me what time I got in and I told him "Midnight!."
He didn't seem pissed off at all!.
Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock!."
When I asked him why, he said, ;
"Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said,
"Oh ****," cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted!Www@Enter-QA@Com
The way you give someone 10 points is to select their answer as "Best Answer!." Yahoo Answers takes it from there!. I hope you like my joke "Best!."
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered!. Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father!. He asked if they were interested, Both said they were very much in favor of it!.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before!. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch!.The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer!. The husband was still feeling fine!. The doctor then checked the
husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing!.
At this point they decided to try for 50 percent!. The husband continued to feel quite well!. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him!. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain, and the husband had experienced none!. She and her husband were ecstatic!.
When they got home, they found the UPS man dead on the porch!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered!. Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father!. He asked if they were interested, Both said they were very much in favor of it!.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before!. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch!.The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer!. The husband was still feeling fine!. The doctor then checked the
husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing!.
At this point they decided to try for 50 percent!. The husband continued to feel quite well!. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him!. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain, and the husband had experienced none!. She and her husband were ecstatic!.
When they got home, they found the UPS man dead on the porch!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Christmas joke!. Three men arrived at the pearly gates and were met by St Peter!. He said "as its the festive time of the year you must produce something that relates to Christmas"!. The first man produced a lighter and said "this is my festive candle" and St Peter said "you mayy come in!. The second man pulled out his keys and said while jingling them "these are my Christmas bells" and St Peter said "you may come in" the third man looked a little worried but eventuallyy pulled out a pair of ladies pantie's!. St Peter looked very puzzled asking what are those and the third man replied "Carols"Www@Enter-QA@Com
I got a bit of political humor here in the form of several jokes!. If you aren't in the mood for that, scroll down and see the other jokes!.
A teenage boy is playing baseball when he his hit in the head!. He is rushed to the ER, and his anxious parents were in the waiting room!.
After a little while, a doctor comes out!. "I'm sorry, but your son has undoubtedly sustained serious brain damage!."
The mother started crying!. "How do you know!?"
So the doctor calls the boy out!. "If you could have voted, who would you have voted for in the primaries!?"
The boy thinks for a moment!. "Hillary Clinton!."
Three boys are sitting on the banks of the Potomac River when they hear someone calling for help!. Looking out, they see President Bush drowning!. The boys look at each other and decide that the right thing to do would be to save him, so they dive in and pull him out!. After he gets out, the president promises the three boys anything that was in his power to give to them!.
The first boy thinks about this!. "Well, I'd love to get into West Point!." President Bush immediately enters him!.
The second boy decides, "You see, I'd really like to get into the Naval Acadamy at Annapolis!.!.!.!.!." The president enters him, too!.
The third boy has his answer ready!. "I'd like to have a burial with full military honors at Arlington National Cemetary!."
The president is slightly shocked at the boy's decision!. "Why are you thinking of your burial so soon!?"
"Well, you see, sir, my father's gonna kill me when he finds out what I did!."
St!. Peter is watching over the Pearly Gates on a rather slow day, when he notices this guy walking up slowly!. So he calls out, "Who are you!?"
The man answers, "I'm Barack Obama!."
"Alright," says St!. Peter!. "Now what have you done in your life to be allowed into heaven!?"
"Well," Obama said, "I was the first black president of the United States!"
"Goodness! I never heard of you!. When was this!?"
"Oh, about 20 minutes ago!."
And now for non-politically related jokes:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr!. Watson are out camping!. In the middle of the night, Holmes woke up Watson with, "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you deduce!."
Dr!. Watson thinks for a moment!. "Well, I see millions and millions of stars, and if not all of them are like our sun, I believe that at least one may be, and therefor may have a planet that supports life!."
"Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!"
Two guys are sitting under a tree!. One is writing a novel, the other is reading one!. Suddenly, a lion leaps out and devours the second guy!. Why!? Because everyone knows that writers cramp and readers digest!
Only in the English language!.!.!.
!.!.!.can vegetarians eat vegetables, but humanitarians don't eat humans!.
!.!.!.can a house go up in smoke and down in flames!.
!.!.!.can you park on driveways and drive on parkways!.
!.!.!.can teachers have taught, but preachers haven't praught!.
That's all, and have a good laugh!Www@Enter-QA@Com
A teenage boy is playing baseball when he his hit in the head!. He is rushed to the ER, and his anxious parents were in the waiting room!.
After a little while, a doctor comes out!. "I'm sorry, but your son has undoubtedly sustained serious brain damage!."
The mother started crying!. "How do you know!?"
So the doctor calls the boy out!. "If you could have voted, who would you have voted for in the primaries!?"
The boy thinks for a moment!. "Hillary Clinton!."
Three boys are sitting on the banks of the Potomac River when they hear someone calling for help!. Looking out, they see President Bush drowning!. The boys look at each other and decide that the right thing to do would be to save him, so they dive in and pull him out!. After he gets out, the president promises the three boys anything that was in his power to give to them!.
The first boy thinks about this!. "Well, I'd love to get into West Point!." President Bush immediately enters him!.
The second boy decides, "You see, I'd really like to get into the Naval Acadamy at Annapolis!.!.!.!.!." The president enters him, too!.
The third boy has his answer ready!. "I'd like to have a burial with full military honors at Arlington National Cemetary!."
The president is slightly shocked at the boy's decision!. "Why are you thinking of your burial so soon!?"
"Well, you see, sir, my father's gonna kill me when he finds out what I did!."
St!. Peter is watching over the Pearly Gates on a rather slow day, when he notices this guy walking up slowly!. So he calls out, "Who are you!?"
The man answers, "I'm Barack Obama!."
"Alright," says St!. Peter!. "Now what have you done in your life to be allowed into heaven!?"
"Well," Obama said, "I was the first black president of the United States!"
"Goodness! I never heard of you!. When was this!?"
"Oh, about 20 minutes ago!."
And now for non-politically related jokes:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr!. Watson are out camping!. In the middle of the night, Holmes woke up Watson with, "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you deduce!."
Dr!. Watson thinks for a moment!. "Well, I see millions and millions of stars, and if not all of them are like our sun, I believe that at least one may be, and therefor may have a planet that supports life!."
"Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!"
Two guys are sitting under a tree!. One is writing a novel, the other is reading one!. Suddenly, a lion leaps out and devours the second guy!. Why!? Because everyone knows that writers cramp and readers digest!
Only in the English language!.!.!.
!.!.!.can vegetarians eat vegetables, but humanitarians don't eat humans!.
!.!.!.can a house go up in smoke and down in flames!.
!.!.!.can you park on driveways and drive on parkways!.
!.!.!.can teachers have taught, but preachers haven't praught!.
That's all, and have a good laugh!Www@Enter-QA@Com
A vampire bat returns to his cave covered in blood!. His mates in the cave say, "you lucky sod! tell us where you got such a feast!"
At first he refuses but the other bats nag him so much that he is persuaded to show them!.
"Okay", he says, "but you have to follow me", they set off, leaving the cave, flying over the mountains, over the lake, into a thick dense wood and he lands on a branch of a tree overlooking a thick part of the forest with big old trees!.
"well" say his mates, "so where is it!?"
See that really big tree over to left!?" he says!.
"Yes" say his mates!.
" Well I f*cking didn't!" he replies!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
At first he refuses but the other bats nag him so much that he is persuaded to show them!.
"Okay", he says, "but you have to follow me", they set off, leaving the cave, flying over the mountains, over the lake, into a thick dense wood and he lands on a branch of a tree overlooking a thick part of the forest with big old trees!.
"well" say his mates, "so where is it!?"
See that really big tree over to left!?" he says!.
"Yes" say his mates!.
" Well I f*cking didn't!" he replies!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money!.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, 'Did you see me rob this bank!?'
The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did!.'
The robber then shot him in the temple , killing him instantly!.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank!?'
The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!'
Moral - When Opportunity knocks!.!.!.!. MAKE USE OF IT !Www@Enter-QA@Com
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, 'Did you see me rob this bank!?'
The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did!.'
The robber then shot him in the temple , killing him instantly!.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank!?'
The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!'
Moral - When Opportunity knocks!.!.!.!. MAKE USE OF IT !Www@Enter-QA@Com
i have two
there was a drunk guy driving his car at the time there was two guys crossing the street and he ran over one of them he stopped the car and went out side the other guy said r u an idiot look what have u done !.!.!.!.!.!.
then the drunk guy said why do u care even the dead guy did not say any thing
there was a crossed eyed man with a crossed eyed bird the man wanted to put the bird in his cage so he put him out side of it
the bird tried to escape so he went into the cageWww@Enter-QA@Com
there was a drunk guy driving his car at the time there was two guys crossing the street and he ran over one of them he stopped the car and went out side the other guy said r u an idiot look what have u done !.!.!.!.!.!.
then the drunk guy said why do u care even the dead guy did not say any thing
there was a crossed eyed man with a crossed eyed bird the man wanted to put the bird in his cage so he put him out side of it
the bird tried to escape so he went into the cageWww@Enter-QA@Com
There was a chicken!.
It raised its left foot!.
It raised the other!.
It fellWww@Enter-QA@Com
It raised its left foot!.
It raised the other!.
It fellWww@Enter-QA@Com
a women went to buy a parrot !.!.!.!.!.!.!. the man at the shop showed her a very rare parrot and said that "this parrot is very special, if u lift its right leg it says HAPPY BIRTHDAY and if u lift the left leg it says TO YOU" the woman bought the parrot and thought that waht will happen if i lift both legs!. So she lifted both legs and the parrot said **** YOU!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com