What do you tink of my first chapter that is now improved???!


Question: What do you tink of my first chapter that is now improved!?!?!?
I'm working on a short story with chapters of some sort!. I'm 12 just to let you know but i love to hear advive and some improevments i could make!. So plz tell me what you tink of my first chapter etc!. Thanx!!!

Chapter 1: Same School Different Year
It was 12:00 A!.M!. and Nicole still hadn't fallen asleep!. She stared at the T!.V!. flipping the channels, finally settling on a cooking show, but decided to mute it anyway!. After a minute of buzzing silence, she flipped open her enticing book and got caught up in a few chapters!. Setting the book down was hard, due to the suspense, but the clock was ticking away loudly as if to remind her that she needed to get some rest!. Unfortunately, she still felt wide awake!. Crisp air flowed through her room!. This felt good on her sweating body!. The clock now read 12:45 A!.M!. She closed her eyes and tried to relax herself to sleep!. She almost gave up, but suddenly exhaustion hit her out of nowhere!.

“Honey, wake up,” Nicole’s mom whispered in a surprisingly chipper voice!.

“Ugh, five more minutes,” Nicole managed to mumble!. She couldn’t understand how her mom was so pleasantly happy this early in the morning!. Suddenly five minutes was up and her feet slowly maneuvered their way onto the ground!. Dizziness swept over as she rubbed her tired eyes!. Thankfully, buttermilk waffles awaited her on the kitchen counter!. Cold milk slowly ran down her throat after the last bit of waffle was gone!.

Feeling more awake now, she quickly walked to her small room!. The walls were painted an ocean blue, with the occasional pictures placed on them!. The closet door opened slowly until Nicole could view herself in the mirror!. Her hair was very knotted as if she rolled over constantly in her sleep!. She then peered at the various clothes that filled her closet!. The black skinny jeans and studded belt were grabbed immediately!. She then finally decided on a t-shirt that she favored from all the others!. Then, bouncing and thumping could be heard from the room all the way to the kitchen!. Nicole was pulling up her extremely tight skinny jeans!. Her jeans were putting up a good fight but she soon prevailed!. Next came her shirt and a few accessories, which didn’t take long at all!.

“Come on hurry up Cody! You’ve been in the bathroom forever, I’m tired of waiting!.”

“Ok, ok, ok,” chanted Cody as he stepped out from the bathroom!. “I’m out, are you happy now!?”

“Yea, took you long enough,” replied Nicole with a smirk on her face!. Her and her brother always did these little fights once in awhile!. They both amused themselves with their comebacks and almost found it to be a game now that Cody is sixteen and Nicole is twelve!.

“Well whatever, go comb your hair you look like a troll doll!.”

“Shut up,” she said with a giggle slipping through her words!.
The bathroom was full of steam that made the air thick and hard to breath!. Nicole didn’t want to stay in there too long!. She freshened up a little, but the main focus was her hair!. She stared herself in the face, noticing all the imperfections!. All the zits seemed 2 stand out so bluntly on her not pretty, but not ugly face!. Ignoring them was the only thing she could do at the moment!. She focused all her attention back on her hair!. The brush tackled its way through the frenzy of knots!. Her arm muscles began to scream of pain and her arms seemed more buff than when she started!. Soon she was pleased with her hair!. The beauty of the dirty blonde hair, mixed with pink and black streaks was hard to deny!.

The black converse were then placed on her petite feet and the strings tied with perfection, as if they were going to be judged!. In Nicole’s eyes she felt that the first day of school was a big day of judgment!. Judgment of character, personality, and style!. Everything had to be right in order to make a good impression and not start off the new school year in an awful way!. The clock read 7:30 A!.M!. which meant there was still a half an hour until she would meet up with Alyssa, her best friend, at school!.

That half an hour was now up and Nicole was staring at the cold prison called school through her mom’s car window!. Alyssa was waiting for her just a few feet ahead!. A smile came abroad her face and she quickly pecked her mom on the cheek!. As her converse hit the cement pavement, she felt trapped and isolated as if there was no freedom like there was during the summer!.

‘Hey, guess who I just bumped into,” Alyssa said anxiously!.

“Who, Matt!?” Nicole guessed!.

“No, I wish,” chuckled Alyssa!. “I bumped into Brianna!. She’s so snobby!.”

“Yea don’t even remind me about her!. I’m trying to erase her out of my memory!.” Sudden flash backs of Brianna and her popped into her head!. Her face began to feel hot as she was fighting back tears!. She told herself she was not going to cry!. The feelings slowly vanished as Alyssa started cracking jokes to lighten up the mood!. She didn’t know what she would do without Alyssa to make her laugh when things seemed so awful!. She erased the thoughts from her head and focused on jokes!. Alyssa’s face started turning red as she was gasping for air!. The laughter was too much for Alyssa and her to handle so they calmed down a bit!. Students were starting to stare questioningly at their strange behavior!. Alyssa boldly stared right back as Nicole tried to hold back laughter once again until she saw Brianna!. She stared until Brianna looked back in an angry way!. Her head snapped around to avoid eye contact with her ex best friend!.

“What’s wrong!?” Alyssa questioned noticing the look and actions of her friend!.

“Nothing, I’m fine!.” No one spoke for a full minute after that!. Their eyes wandering the crowd of seventh graders!. “So, have you seen Matt yet, aka your true love,” Nicole said jokingly!.

“Oh shut up and no not yet!.”

“Oh, well you might see-” Suddenly the shrieking school bell rang drowning the rest of her words out!. The screeching sound irritated her ears and she noticed Alyssa’s face cringe!. They both sarted walking to the crowd of students, all fighting their way through two small doors!. They eventually squeezed in and Nicole felt her black converse hit the floor of the school!. She wasn’t a small, weak, little sixth grader anymore she thought to herself!. She was now a seventh grader!. This year was going to be a new beginning!.
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Answers:
It's good, but time seems to go to quickly! Just slow down a bit!Www@Enter-QA@Com

yeah its goodWww@Enter-QA@Com



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