Any suggestions/comments for this short film concept I plan to submit?!

We begin with a girl lying in her bed!. We hear nothing but silence as she goes through her daily routine of getting up and walking to the school bus stop and staring at nothing, hearing nothing!. She goes through school in silence, and we hear nothing of her surroundings and her day ends with her sitting on her bed, pulling out her daily journal, marking an “X” for the day, and going to sleep!. Each day we see her monotonous and silent routine with no change!. A boy accidently bumps into her one day, and we hear a voice for the first time when he says “Sorry…” to her!. He hesitates, before going back to his friends, and we hear his muffled voice and laughter in the background!. The rest of the day is silent and she goes home to the same silent routine!. Marks an “X”, then goes to sleep!. The boy says “Hello” to her the next day, and each morning tries his best to talk to her and bring her out of her shell!. Each day he talks to her more and more and each day she hears more and more of her surroundings, and every day she would write two or three words of what she heard that stuck!. He invites her to the beach the next morning, the Graham beach, and she can only stare at him in surprise!. He looks nervous but she nods her acceptance, and the rest of the day is louder than it’s ever been to her ears!. When she gets home, in her journal she writes down “Graham Beach!.”, stares at it, then flips back to a date about three months prior or so that has written “Graham Beach!. Missing” and a tear drops from her eye onto the page!. Then she goes to sleep!. The next morning she wakes up early and walks to the bus stop!. He’s there and smiles in greeting and they head towards the beach!. She struggles to say something for a while, when finally he asks what’s wrong!. She sighs and we hear her voice for the first time as she explains that her parents and her went boating at Graham beach about three months ago and how they went missing after the boat capsized!. She was consumed by water and the pressure in her ears made her unable to hear for a week and she explains “I only remember water… and silence… it consumed my ears… and I woke up in a hospital… and I couldn’t hear anything for a week!. Just complete silence!. When I could hear… they told me my parents were missing!. And… I didn’t want to hear anymore…” The boy doesn’t say anything, and when they arrive at the beach, she stares at the waves in silence!. When she turns towards him, she sees a bunch of other kids there that she recognizes from the bus stop as the boys friends!. One of the friends steps forward and tells her that because of her and her parent’s accident, boating was banned for everyone!. They proceed to “take her for a little swim” and drag her into the deep part of the ocean, her eyes wide, staring at the boy who hung back on the shore looking at his feet!. The last thing she sees is the sun as the water consumes her view!. We fade to black and she awakes in a hospital bed and it’s completely quiet!. She observes her surroundings, and we finally see the boy sitting by her bed, not looking at her!. She stares at him with an impassive expression as he looks up at her!. Then he looks quickly away again!. She doesn’t look away and still, all we hear is silence!. He says nothing, staring at his shoes, then says quietly, “Sorry…” and quickly gets up then walks away!. She stares at the door, then up into the blinding white light, and we hear nothing as a nurse comes in, talking to the girl while checking her pulse!. We hear nothing but silence, and then, the white light consumes the screen!.
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