For over 10 years I've been trying to break through this muck that is on me.?!

For over 10 years I've been trying to break through this muck that is on me.?

I want and need to like and love myself and not seek approval from others letting that be why I do or do not like or love myself. I've been trying to figure this out for a long time and I'm just so drained. I know all of the cliche's and I have a storage container filled with god awful self-help books I've been to counseling - I've tried religion - I even went to AA meetings with a friend (though I don't really drink) looking for a way to like and love me. I know that is the problem, I can't get past. When I do begin to like myself a bit I start confincing myself that the people who are my friends don't really like me and they just deal with me and why would anyone like me. I replay things I do/say in my head and feel embarassed that I wasn't polished or lady like or professional. Then I start to not like me again. Does anyone have any magical words or fairy dust they could spare? Advise helps too.

there is no magic words or fairy dust to fix you, sorry baby. the key to fixing you is you. you are as unique as a snowflake, revel in that fact. ok, life can suck, believe me i know. been through more pain and suffering than anyone should, but it has made me who i am. unique and precious, like you. find people who can appreciate you for who you are and what you bring. if you look deep enough you will find the person you truly are and you will love her for who she is. nobody is polished or professional, that's just an act that people put on to make others think that they are more than they really are. phonies and fakes abound, be different, be you, and you will find people attracted to that. be patient and you will see. much love to you.