Tell me a funny joke or story?!


Question:

Tell me a funny joke or story?

I need to laugh. I don't care what its about it could be people, enemies, pets don't care. Just want to last. I'll give the best answer to...well the best lol.

Additional Details

4 days ago
Wow you all are really good.


Answers:

jokes and riddles


One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly. "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply.

The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..."

The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.

"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."

The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life: "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."

another one


The following are entries to a contest by The Washington Post, in

> which respondents had to write a two-line romantic poem...except

that the

> last line had to be as un-romantic as the first line was romantic.

>

> 1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife;

> > Marrying you screwed up my life.

>

> 2. I see your face when I am dreaming.

> > That's why I always wake up screaming.

>

> 3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

> > This describes everything you are not.

>

> 4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,

> > But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

>

> 5. I thought that I could love no other

> > that is, until I met your brother.

>

> 6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you ~

> But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's

empty

> and so is your head.

> >

> 7. I want to feel your sweet embrace

> > But don't take that paper bag off your face.

>

> 8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes

> > Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

>

> 9. My love, you take my breath away.

> > What have you stepped in to smell this way?

>

> 10. My feelings for you no words can tell,

> > Except for maybe "Go to hell."

>

> 11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?

> > Two parts vodka, one part lime

:-D


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