What do you think of this poem that i wrote? i am 14?!
Question: I Didn’t Know
You said that you’d love me forever
You said that you couldn’t live without me
You said that I was beautiful
You said that I was your only
I said that I didn’t believe you
I said that you were lying
I said that you never loved me
I said that and you started crying
I said that I didn’t love you
Oh, why couldn’t I shut up?
I said all those things to you
Why couldn’t I lighten up?
I didn’t know you were true
I didn’t know you wanted me to be your wife
I didn’t know this when I screamed “LIAR!”
I didn’t know this until the night you ended your life
Now I’ll never be your wife
Now I’ll never see
But, now I know
That in heaven, we will always be
I didn’t have the guts to say
That when I pushed you away
I wanted you to come closer to me
Goodbye, my love
Goodbye, me sweet
Goodbye, my lover
Don’t be sad, for now I see
Just know that I will always love you
Answers: I Didn’t Know
You said that you’d love me forever
You said that you couldn’t live without me
You said that I was beautiful
You said that I was your only
I said that I didn’t believe you
I said that you were lying
I said that you never loved me
I said that and you started crying
I said that I didn’t love you
Oh, why couldn’t I shut up?
I said all those things to you
Why couldn’t I lighten up?
I didn’t know you were true
I didn’t know you wanted me to be your wife
I didn’t know this when I screamed “LIAR!”
I didn’t know this until the night you ended your life
Now I’ll never be your wife
Now I’ll never see
But, now I know
That in heaven, we will always be
I didn’t have the guts to say
That when I pushed you away
I wanted you to come closer to me
Goodbye, my love
Goodbye, me sweet
Goodbye, my lover
Don’t be sad, for now I see
Just know that I will always love you
that's lovely, have a star!!
boring pre-teen dribble melo-drama.
hah wow im 15 now and that is a deep poem... great job,
i really like it! ?
...its started off o.k....but....then i didnt care for the rest after the 2nd paragrah..
over all, .its not bad for a kids poem.
Didn't you already post this a few times last night?
It's alright. Definitely not as bad as some I've seen. If i had to rate it maybe 6/10....
great poem, really like it
it's really simple, but i like it! no metaphors and crap like that, straight to the point.
did this happen to you? oh sad...
well anyway good job!
I like it, it's very well written, but I wouldn't really know I can't write poetry.
I really like it.
Nice :)
very good.. write more stuff
not bad, but i hope the story isnt true =.[ cause its so sad
i think it was very good. quite sad but a lot of poems are good work
its really good thought the first part was like a chain e-mail i got. actully all of it was like that, but different words but otherwise it really good
Wow, that's pretty depressing!! But really good all the same. Pretty damn good for a 14yr old. :)
well i think it's good
ignore the people who criticize it they are too stupid to actually write something decent
i think it's good so be happy :)
I actually really really like that =]
Its really good
You should enter it in some kinda competition =]
Good job. very good.
Very good! Very powerful! Very Sad.
Very serious for a 14 year old. Go outside and play.
At 14, you probably don't really know what love is yet. But this is cute. Start really worrying if you're writing something like this when you're over 30.
I think you have a lot of talent for 14 years old. Pretty adult topic though. Keep at it. Writing is inspiration to yourself and others. I am a writer as well and started when I was about your age.
I think its beautiful
i would suggest entering your poems on www.poems-and-quotes.com instead of on yahoo answers
there they will give you constructive critisism instead of just telling you its bad.
Dont listen to the other people they know nothing about poetry...
keep writing
It is WAY to repetitive. the message you are trying to portray is good, but the lyrics need some serious DIVERSITY. dont start every line with "goodbye" or "you said that" or "I said that" it gets kinda hard to read. Don't get me wrong, repeating isn't a bad thing, you just over did it. check out my poem, and see the difference. I used repeating in mine. just look, hopefully it helps you a little in figuring out how and when it's ok to repeat.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...
Good job.. =]
Nice poem, i think u should join a poem competition..
Can you make it for me one??
thats really good!!!!!!
did u really write that???
there are some parts you could change, but it is REALLY good!!!!!
Great job. I think it reflects your emotions, and if your heart if broken, don't worry. It will heal and there will be other loves in your life. Study hard, excell, and hopefully, you will fulfill your dreams. Good luck.
Well, for starters it seems like a rather mature poem for a fourteen year old--are you observing another or are you trying to expand following a tenage crush?
To me, it sounded just like a set of song lyrics, and good ones too. If you or a friens can play guitar, piano etc, then why not try writing a simple structured tune to go along with it and see what occurs?--Stranger things have happened!!
Have a great weekend, and keep on writing, I'll read it anytime.
Keef
i think that it's really good, especially for a 14 year old!
It's okay, but way over dramatic and too depressing!