How would you handle this, if this came from your child?!


Question: i told my 10 year old daughter to clean her room, she comes out about 20 minutes later and asks if she can take a break i go look and not one thing has been cleaned so i tell her get something to eat and while she is at it grab me a water..so she says the only reason i hate her and make her clean is because she is black...well it pissed me off, number one she is not black , number 2 joking or not i did not find it funny..and number 3 it frankly shocked me into silence which makes me madder..so how to handle this or am i being too harsh?


Answers: i told my 10 year old daughter to clean her room, she comes out about 20 minutes later and asks if she can take a break i go look and not one thing has been cleaned so i tell her get something to eat and while she is at it grab me a water..so she says the only reason i hate her and make her clean is because she is black...well it pissed me off, number one she is not black , number 2 joking or not i did not find it funny..and number 3 it frankly shocked me into silence which makes me madder..so how to handle this or am i being too harsh?

i'd say "hey cracker get back in your room and start cleaning"
just kidding.
i don't think you over reacted at all. I have a 10 year old son who's been playing the drama card on me a lot lately when i ask him to start being responsible. He thinks I'm a horrible mom because kids should be having fun not being my "slave". (my slave meaning, him picking up HIS stuff, and rinsing off HIS plate after dinner and letting HIS dog out to go potty) i'm rotten aren't I?
I think you handled it very well becuz my smart asss probably would have told him to get back in there and not come out till the carpeted floor shined, and when he was done he could start on my room if he wanted to learn about slavery!

thats a little overkill

when your 10 things still scare you enough to not say it again like if u yell at her and scare her shell remember how mad u got

ground her!, and let her know its wrong. and thats shes not black!

Oo that sounds like my little sister... my mom gives her a little spankin on the behind lol... ; )

You should ask her where she heard this from, because if she gets older and keeps saying stuff like this , joking or not, it can get serious..

How about just explaining that racial "humor" isn't humor, and that disrespect to you is not going to be tolerated.

I would've laughed if my kid said that. I would've been like "oh you funny little sarcastic girl you. You know you're not black. who do you think I am, Don Imus?" lol. I would just be like "Sorry hun but even black people have to clean their room sometimes. Let me help you get started"
and then i'd do exactly that, and walk away

You're not being too harsh. You need to talk to her about this ASAP 'cause it sounds like racism to me. if she doesn't want to understand, you need to take some things/priveledges away from her.

Tell her how you feel. Tell her even if she was joking that is not something she should joke about.

i would honestly take her door off and tell her when she learns to respect you and act like a lady she will get it back...tell her she has to earn her door back

You did NOTHING wrong. I mean...what was she talking about?? Don't blow things out of proportion of course..Why don't you CALMLY talk to her about it?

Tell her if her room is not cleaned in one hour your going to get a trash bag a picking up anything you see that's not put away. And do it!

wow..thats weird no ur not being harsh..making ur daughter clean her room is not wrong

it sounds like she takes after her mom! (no, you didn't overreact at all)

sounds like you've got your hands full. Explain to her what she said and how she is wrong in saying it. And how it made you feel. Yeah I know it sounds like I've gone PC. Then tell her she better not ask for any more breaks until there's an improvement in her room. And not just all shoved under the bed.

well i would be shocked and i think it comes from school and if that's what she hears that whats going to stick since kids say thing like " your only giving me detention cuz I'm black" Ive seen and heard this ignorance when i was in middle school

She as said that because she as heard it on some show or comedy program.

she's 10 with a attitude thats all...wait till she's a teenager hun.

thank god for drugs and playboy magazine..

marry me..(in 10 years when shes gone).

Give her a spanking on the behind. No child of mine would ever disrespect my that way. You're the parent and you are the one telling her what to do. She can't just go tell you what to do. And make two things clear: She isn't black and you don't hate her.

Little girls (and boys) should clean their rooms or lose privileges. Your 10 yo found a way to get under your skin. If you let her, she will continue to pull that stuff.

The first issue is the cleaning of the room. She needs to do that or lose privileges.

The second is her comment. You need to sit her down and tell her that it was inappropriate and why it was inappropriate (remember, she's 10, you need to keep it short and sweet).

She's testing the waters and needs to find out that it's too hot for her. If there is an 'or else' from you and she does it anyway, make sure the 'or else' happens. There has to be consistent consequences for actions.

Hi I'm a mom too, Tell her is has to work a round the house like you do, it's her job ! I don't know how you feel about this ,but it worked for my kids told me that they didn't want to clean their room so I put all their toys up for a week, and after that I tell them to clean and they get right to it, Good luck Mom!

The time to react was already gone by the time you typed out this question. I would just have taken it as a joke, I mean it is kinda funny. Maybe see how well SHE can take a joke.

Stick by your guns. Make her finish cleaning her room - without any more breaks; tell her she has to show she's done some substantial work before she's entitled to a break.

Then tell her you found her color reference offensive and are adding a punishment so it doesn't happen again, that you're still thinking about what punishment would appropriate and ask her what SHE thinks would be an appropriate punishment. That will give you some insight into where her thinking is straying. I'd deprive her for a couple of day of access to some particularly favorite possession or withdraw an approval I'd given for her to attend some upcoming event. Or require her to write you a 500 word essay on why her comment was inappropriate.

You have to start standing firm now (if you haven't already), because otherwise it will only get worse as she approaches and enters her teens. You may want to start taking a closer look at her friends and their values and impose some limits there as well.

It's never too early to try to shape a child's opinions, and making a big thing out of this will impress upon her the importance of tolerance and the right you have to expect teamwork within our family. You might suggest that she take on all of Your jobs for one day and then decide whether she's getting a raw deal.

Well since you are a self proclaimed "pimp" and an avid alcoholic, it's shocking you don't have worse problems than this with your daughter.

that would shock me into silence too....
first, she would not have been allowed to take a break until something was done
and second if she said something like that to me there would be consequences and repercussions...

Girl , you are taking it better then I would. I would take away all my child finds pleasure in. And I have!!! And my kids ARE black! If they tried to pull the race card crap with me they would have to beg me to not gag them with a soap bar. Damn, your girl is bold. You are the mother, take charge and put her in check real fast. If she pulls that crap again, Make sure she knows she can not get away with it ever. Hate is a strong word, maybe she needs to recognize who she is talking to and what she is saying.

Ewwwwww...She would clean her room and then she would do some lengthy research and writing on african american history, she would be grounded from phone and computer, friends-everything until i was satisfied that she got the picture. Then she'd be grounded for a week for being disrespectful and insubordinate. My kids have along leash but I have a ZERO tolerance for disrespect and consider any ignorant remark that comes from their mouths a reflection of poor parenting...Oh and something else I do when my kids are on punishment I only serve them cheese sandwiches, apples, and water...I think the thought of losing teh priviledge of abundant processed foods works way better than teh actual grounding....good luck

You have 2 issues here....

1. Disrespect towards you, the mom

2. Unacceptable comments related to what she said about being black.


How to deal?

1. In my house, we have a zero tolerance policy towards disrespecting ANYONE.... if she were my daughter ( I have a 9 year old, almost 10, ) the punishment would be to take away her favorite past time for a week, Webkins.

2. The racist commentary. I don't think your daughter is a racist. This is learned behavior, not inborn. She probably hears it from friends, or friends of friends. This is not something I would punish my daughter over, at least not at first. I would however, have a very long, heart to heart discussion about race, religion & the differences between people...

I always tell my daughters that we humans are black, white, brown, yellow, etc.... but we all bleed the same color, red.. and we are all equal.

Lots of luck to you!

Hon, she 'appears' to have a note of humorous intent, but cannot judge for my NOT hearing the tone it was stated in.
I might reply, jokingly, "If you WERE black and it was 150 years ago, you'd know what it's like to be a slave! If you want to live like a slob AND a slave, maybe we can put you in a little dirt-floored unheated hut, with no running water, tv, vid games and all your other lovely possesssions! Now, Get after it!"... and say it with a hint of humor.

A side note: Have I leapt into the WRONG category? Just WHERE did all these intelligent answers come from???

Sheesh I have no idea. Mine are 3 and 1 so I havent had to deal with that kind f situation yet. However... my 12 year old has said some strange things and I always tell it to him straight. Good luck love!

I think you overreacted a little. She knows you don't hate her and she knows she is not black. She was looking for a reaction from you and got it. You might want to tell her that some jokes are not appropriate but a slip of the tongue can be forgiven. I hope you sent her back to finish/start cleaning her room. My Adult kids tell me " The Look " was far more effective than yelling ever was. Now they tell me.

In my house, we have choices.

I don't tell my kids what to do, I give them two choices. I just make sure that the one I want them to choose is the more appealing of the two.

As for cleaning up, you have a choice. You can clean up your room, or I can clean up your room. If I clean up your room, it will be with a garbage bag.

You'd be amazed how wearing the same outfit to school for a week because it's the only clothes left gets a child's attention. Just make sure you give things back ONE thing at a time, over a long period, so they don't think, "I'll just wait it out". It also makes Christmas shopping really cheap! <grin>

As for the hateful remarks, I pretend I don't hear them, and go about what I was doing. Then, when they lose steam, I ask calmly, "Did it work? Did it get what you wanted?" Once they understood, all I had to do was ask "What?" and they change their tune instantly. (It's fun to watch.)



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