Redneck dilemma: Why do my feet want to go to the buryin' ground?!


Question: Got me a good collekshun o’ clothes – most o’ th’ undershirts got no stains, sum nice plaid overshirts ‘n’ only one has a elbow rip, th’ jeans mostly clean up nice ‘n’ keep one set jus’ f’r movie dates ‘n’ dress-up times, ‘n’ keep m’Daddy’s ole black funeral suit hung up inside a plastic trash bag. (He din’t need it no more after th’viewin’ - no sense lettin’ a good suit what was wore oncet go t’ waste, huh?)

Th’ pastor down t’ th’ Foursquare Church lets me have m’ pick o’ th’ shoes he gits fr’m the widder ladies cleanin’ out th’ closets. Got me some great black ‘n’ white snakeskin dress shoes I might use if ever I hadda go golfin’ – jes’ screw them spikes back in, I done saved ‘em.

But they are th’ problem. Ever’ time I puts ‘em on, my feet wanna go by theyselfs toward the’ cemetery.

What’s a redneck to do?


Answers: Got me a good collekshun o’ clothes – most o’ th’ undershirts got no stains, sum nice plaid overshirts ‘n’ only one has a elbow rip, th’ jeans mostly clean up nice ‘n’ keep one set jus’ f’r movie dates ‘n’ dress-up times, ‘n’ keep m’Daddy’s ole black funeral suit hung up inside a plastic trash bag. (He din’t need it no more after th’viewin’ - no sense lettin’ a good suit what was wore oncet go t’ waste, huh?)

Th’ pastor down t’ th’ Foursquare Church lets me have m’ pick o’ th’ shoes he gits fr’m the widder ladies cleanin’ out th’ closets. Got me some great black ‘n’ white snakeskin dress shoes I might use if ever I hadda go golfin’ – jes’ screw them spikes back in, I done saved ‘em.

But they are th’ problem. Ever’ time I puts ‘em on, my feet wanna go by theyselfs toward the’ cemetery.

What’s a redneck to do?

mmmm dang dem blak n wite shoes lookin good on da man! yous be lookin like mah pimp, mmm hmmm! theys shoes gots a life a der own, hun. dey just wanna go vist Thelma Jane a coupa roes down from old man Barton, cuz she were his ho back in da day. I says go git yos bad sef down to da cemetery an see wat tressures baried thar. I's be a watin fo ya, fo sho. I gots sum ripple an i cleaned out mah buton hol.

urrrrrrrr...
what?

I wouldn't know but thanks for the 2 points for taking the time to try and write a silly story

Ah said, ah said, Git er done son. Ya'll gots to go whir them thar shoes will be a takin you.

Haha. This is a pretty good story. I'm assuming this question was just for comedy. Some people really put some time into these. I say, either cut off your feet or get some new snazzy shoes.

Why fight it? Just go where the shoes take you.



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