Sweet nothings(Repost)?!
Question: Do you now understand??
Sweet nothings
Im in the old house where i have once spent my life with you..these dingy rooms still echo the things i have spoken to you..the laughter and the sob..many a fight and make up...I remember how excitedly i used to tell you about the stickers of little flourescent stars that glow in the dark that i stuck on the walls of this dark room that once was mine...some are intact,still shining a dull green..particularly the jupiter that used to be my favourite....isnt it pretty ironic considering the fact that you have never actually 'been' here..
Its unbelievable that 15 years have passed hence...i was groping through the dust and cobwebs,and i stumbled on a chair..i heard something fall down from it on the floor...a dim blue light lit up from it...its the same old white phone that has been a witness to everything...instinct made me look up for the call history...It was full of the details of our old conversations...138 minutes starting time 0012, 27th january 2008...sleepless nights talking sweet nothings...i went to inbox,checked for text messages and read a random message that went, 'go to bed and text me ill call you'....I hugged the old dusty pillow and curled up on the same old bed,and cried like i used to 15 years back,but this time wondering if you would ever call me again
Answers: Do you now understand??
Sweet nothings
Im in the old house where i have once spent my life with you..these dingy rooms still echo the things i have spoken to you..the laughter and the sob..many a fight and make up...I remember how excitedly i used to tell you about the stickers of little flourescent stars that glow in the dark that i stuck on the walls of this dark room that once was mine...some are intact,still shining a dull green..particularly the jupiter that used to be my favourite....isnt it pretty ironic considering the fact that you have never actually 'been' here..
Its unbelievable that 15 years have passed hence...i was groping through the dust and cobwebs,and i stumbled on a chair..i heard something fall down from it on the floor...a dim blue light lit up from it...its the same old white phone that has been a witness to everything...instinct made me look up for the call history...It was full of the details of our old conversations...138 minutes starting time 0012, 27th january 2008...sleepless nights talking sweet nothings...i went to inbox,checked for text messages and read a random message that went, 'go to bed and text me ill call you'....I hugged the old dusty pillow and curled up on the same old bed,and cried like i used to 15 years back,but this time wondering if you would ever call me again
Okay doing better yet. Need a little more clarifying though.
If I am understanding correctly you have visited an old house that you once lived in.
And in that house you have drummed up some memories of an old love.
I personally think that you could leave out the cell phone stuff and the story would read better.
I do like it ending with the hugging of the pillow...
though I would end it with an idea of missing...
though I think the wondering if s/he would call back doesn't quite fit only because you tell very little about the missing person....
did you break up with him?
did he die?
Is he married?
What have you/he done in the last 15 years
and last why are you thinking of him now and not 14 1/2 years ago.
Just some thoughts you might think about for the next re-write. You are doing well though.
Keep it up.