How do I do this politely?!
Question: Ok, I go to a local coffee shop every morning (not Starbucks) but either way there is this older gentleman that is there every morning and he is chums with the owner. He gives me a hug every morning, the sideways kind, not a full embrace because I am a "Touch-Me-Not". I don't like people to touch me, I have a hard time hugging family members. But the other day he gave me a kiss on the cheek and did it again today. How do I politely tell him to not hug me or anything, just a polite hello will do. I know it sounds mean, but I can't help it, it really does give me the heebie jeebies. I have a hard time hugging anyone, it isn't just him. I want to be as polite as possible, I am a nice person and I don't want to hurt his feelings, I just don't like to be touched.
Answers: Ok, I go to a local coffee shop every morning (not Starbucks) but either way there is this older gentleman that is there every morning and he is chums with the owner. He gives me a hug every morning, the sideways kind, not a full embrace because I am a "Touch-Me-Not". I don't like people to touch me, I have a hard time hugging family members. But the other day he gave me a kiss on the cheek and did it again today. How do I politely tell him to not hug me or anything, just a polite hello will do. I know it sounds mean, but I can't help it, it really does give me the heebie jeebies. I have a hard time hugging anyone, it isn't just him. I want to be as polite as possible, I am a nice person and I don't want to hurt his feelings, I just don't like to be touched.
Have a word with the owner about it. He might politely say on your behalf to him that you don't like people touching you. You should really tell the owner what you told us. The owner will know that you don't want to upset his mates feelings and may (as he knows the man better) offer better advice.
I'm also a Non-hugger and this is a tough situation to be in.
You need to tell him. How you do it is completely up to you.
Explain exactly what you just said, and sometimes you have to be an a$$hole. I unfortunately took the a$$hole route, but at least people don't touch me anymore.
You stick your hand out when you come near him and if he tries to give you a hug, you walk away. If he continues, you take him to the side and tell him that you do not wish to hurt his feelings or insult him but you do not feel comfortable being hugged or kissed on the cheek by him and in the future a handshake will have to do. And you leave it at that.
Tell him politely that you do enjoy "hugs" better than "kisses" and smile.
Tell him that indirect way,
like sorry I have flue today, don't want to affect you
or something like that....
Jus tell em that you aren't a touchy feely person. I'm the same way. And if that's not polite enough, I don't know what is!
Just tell him, I'm not a huggy touchy feely kind of person, I feel really uncomfortable with it. If he still wants to touch you, pepper spray is always a good argument.
If it was me i would just tell him to stop, but since you're nice em...put dead fish in your pockets or just scream next time he does it. xx
I'll do it...but it wont be pretty! xx
unfortunately,no matter how you tell him,hes going to be offended. I would suggest you you just tell him. or try a different coffee shop.
...
I am not really sure there is a polite way. I am kind of that way so it is hard to deal with people thinking it is ok to touch you. I think you should just be honest with him. It may hurt his feelings but he needs to know he is making you uncomfortable. Good luck with this honey.
Say it with a smile and a hand up like a cop stopping traffic and just say "I am sorry but I should have told you before that I really do not enjoy hugs. I just felt awkward so I did not say anything. Can we just shake and say good morning instead?"
If pressed, just say you want to reserve your hugs for the man you love. Simple enough. Good luck.
{hugs} joke
Just tell him a hello will do.
Look in his eyes and be relaxed when you say it.
He will get it.
baby just hold to your self and just have it at back of your mind that you are telling this this today. immediately he want to hug just tell him uncle im sorry i dont like men hugging me bcos im very sensitive, so im sorry for saying this sir. thank you sir for not been anoied. biola Ale.
I would explain to him that I was not raised to give or receive that kind of attention from people and therefore it makes me feel uncomfortable for him to do that. So I would appreciate it if he didn't do it anymore. He should understand and if he doesn't he is not considering your feelings.
Good luck.Molly
Look stop worrying about his feelings and start worrying about your feelings. Either find a new coffee shop which I would not do, or the next time he approaches you say exactly what you mentioned in your statement. Back up mister a simple hello will be fine.
Remember you are the most important person in this scenario.
I can understand ur feelings..my sister has been this way since infancy...she did not like being held, even then! Try putting ur hand out for a handshake from really far away (so that ur arm is fully extended), gv him a quick firm shake (n a warm smile) n immediately release his hand n go on ur way. If necessary try putting ur other hand on his wrist/forearm as u go to shake his hand n subtly gv his arm a push..trying to indicate to him to stay away. If all fails, u'll just hv to tell him. Good luck!
People who are the "touchy- huggy" type generally think that everyone has the same tendencies. This man may be just that "kind" of man or he may be attempting to take it one step further as time progresses. It really sounds like the latter to me.
My advice is to call him aside the next time you see him and simply tell him that you understand he shows his affections in this particular manner. But, you do not and would appreciate it if he simply refrained from the hugging and kissing. Just tell him that this makes you feel uncomfortable, not just with him but everyone. This way he shouldn't feel as though it is him. I really do not think he would be as offended as you think. But, honestly, I think if you don't speak to him about this, he will continue and eventually try to make even more advances toward you.
Good luck and remember; it's your body and he nor anyone else has the right to touch you without you wanting them to.
Erin, honesty is always the best policy.
You tell him that you need to sit and talk with him
in private. This limits the embarrassment level
for both of you to a minimal.
Then you kindly, calmly, firmly and seriously explain
to him how you feel about the matter. Let him know that
it's not anything personal; because you have given him the luxury or privilege that you don't even extend to family
members nor people whom are very close to you.
Ask him if he wouldn't mind respecting that, because if not,
you will have to start going some place else for your
coffee in the mornings?
Finally, you let him know that there are no hard feelings;
that everything else could resume as normal..minus the
huggings and kissings, of course.
If he gets upset over that then his heart nor mind was in the right place to begin with and was only feeling you up to see
how much further he could take him display of affections with you? But from what you've described..I don't think he should have any problems with what you would have explained to him. But the important thing is that you have to get this
issue resolved or else you might get really upset
about the situation and go postal on him.
An ounce of prevention is worth more/better than a pound of cure.
Best of luck to you!!
Peace xxx Joy
Hmmm...I would love to say "just be up front" but I assume that you are worried that you would offend him. If it were me, I honestly think I would say something like "Wow, you sure are a huggy a person aren't you?" but I'd say it in a nice way. Hopefully he'd say something about it and then I could say "yeah, I've never been a huggy person, I don't really like to hug people"....
I don't know, maybe a direct approach like everyone else suggested would be better but I'm just telling you how I would do it. I would be too worried about hurting his feelings if I used the direct approach.
Good Luck!
just SAY LOOK MISTER, i DON'T MIND SAYING HELLO TO YOU, but I am not into hugging or kissing people I don't know. So will you please not do that again. A simple hello will do, thank you.