After listening to a long, blubbering complaint from a lying co-worker, I decide!


Question: ...to take immediate action.
I managed to force his bottom lip into the opening of our Industrial Sized Office Shredder, but the shredder jammed up when it hit his nose bone.

Should I have started with the top lip instead, in order to get the correct angle and momentum needed to shred his entire face?


Answers: ...to take immediate action.
I managed to force his bottom lip into the opening of our Industrial Sized Office Shredder, but the shredder jammed up when it hit his nose bone.

Should I have started with the top lip instead, in order to get the correct angle and momentum needed to shred his entire face?

Buk, everyone knows that mutilation begins with the eyelids.

someones having a bad day at the office,

Just telling him to keep his nose to the grindstone would have done. He may have kept a stiff upper lip, but it's no skin of my nose. What without a shredder evidence.

Well there are several problems i see in this scenario, first of all an 'office hit' should never be done during working hours- too many eyewitnesses...secondly office equipment should never be used for 'instruction or training purposes', tools from outside the office environment are best and usually non-traceable..and thirdly, contracting out this kind of work is adviseable and tax-exempt~

You should have chopped him to pieces first before feeding him to the shredder.

P.S. It would have also helped if it was a human shredder, and not office shredder.

Yeah! that would have been good. =]

I recommend ditching the Staples crap.
and going strait for the K bar
remember to use slow deep strokes when carving your initials into his skull

top lip: yes.

or put his tongue in there too. that way he can't complain as much

Next time try a wood chipper for the big jobs. I thought you knew better. Sheesh, kind of disappointed here.

Since you said 'his' LOL I would have started shredding things much lower than his face, that would have tamed them much quicker!!

shredders are for pvssies you need a wood chipper

since your complaint is with the blubbering and lying, just his tongue would have been enough. that way you don't have to listen to him anymore and he may still be productive at the office.

The most effective face shredding would come from Charlotte's Posse not a damn machine.

NAH... you should of started with the longest part about him... now which one? Well to be safe start with the tongue..I'm sure that is the longest and that would of taken care of the problem..

Ya, you should have started from the top silly goose. It would have ripped his face off and whola problem solved.

I would have started with his tie simply to hear his screams a lot better. See in doing the lips (either one) you diminish the pure pleasure you would get from hearing his unfiltered cries and whimpers begging for help. Sort of knocks the fun out of it, if you know what I mean.

Hope I helped.

How big is his nose that it caused a jam? You know Im looking for a guy with a big one, why would you do this without talking to me first?
Oh well, just keep it in mind next time.

Good thing my shredder wasn't around I'd be pissed if you did that because I just unjammed it.

I'm just glad I didn't see this till I got home cause the shredder at my work woulda been working overtime today!!

Now BUK hon, you know the last time we heard you talking about your nightmares at the water cooler got you a 3 week stay at Fulton(violent wackos go there in Mo.)! Sounds like this time we have to send you further away to New York (what's the name of that place?) The vacation will be longer this time and they experiment with electrical impulse implants there! So, hon, whatever is botherin you, sit down here and tell Wild all about it (quit staring at that area! Look somewhere else while you talk, Sweetie)

I find it best to start with the penis. After that they can't think well enough to complain.

Always carry a slaw shredder to work is what I always say....lol...

Make the co-worker view pages and pages of your Xeroxed butt. That'll get rid of the nuisance.

Tsk tsk! Such violence! Just take his bottom lip and pull it up over his head and tell him to swallow! ;-)



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