How would you handle a step-child that hated you?!


Question: How would you handle a step-child that hated you!?
This is a tough question!.!.!.I know!. Yes!.!.!.he lives with us full time!.Www@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
This must be a real tough situation, especially since the mother has passed away (don't know how long ago it was)!. Show him love as if he were your own, even though he may not show it back !.!.!.!.!.!.!.which is really hard to handle!. Maybe over time and grieving, he'll come around and realize that you do love him and are trying to make his life the best it can be!! It took me about two to three yrs!. of accepting my step-mom!. I was only 3, but I only saw her every two weeks for 2!.5 days and my mother didn't pass-away so, totally different than your situation!. Good LuckWww@Enter-QA@Com

Keep loving him no matter what, because the child is just a child and is having a hard time adjusting!. Remember you are the adult!. It may take awhile but don't give up on the child!. I have been in the stepchild's shoes!. I had a stepfather who never ever told me he loved me and never ever once hugged me or showed me any affection from the time he came into my life when I was 2 yrs old until I left home at the age of 17!. It hurts still today and I am a grandmother now!. I have also been a stepmother of 2 stepdaughters and 1 stepson!.

Edit: I see where you have added the edit to your question saying his mother is deceased!. That makes it even more important to try to understand the boy and how he is feeling!. It is very hard being a stepmother, with a stepchild being hateful!. I know! My stepson, slit both of his wrists, for attention and his own mother was also deceased!. We got him mental health help because we understood that he was hurting deeply inside!. He is a fine young man now!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

I agree with counseling!. If you have someone to mediate then you will get a lot more help then you can by yourself!. If they are young enough they will be forced to go and get help!. It is a very difficult situation but the child more than likely blames himself for the seperation of his parents and will blame the new spouse for ruining things!. Been through this with some family members and saw how absolutely unwilling both parties were to help each other!. Please get some form of counseling!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

Only time will change the child's perception of you!. If the hate of you leads to bad behavior, then you should talk to your husband and ask him to talk to the child without letting the child know that it was your idea!. This would make he/she hate you more!. Stepmoms/dads walk a thin line!. You almost have to understand what the child is going through in order to understand their reasons for "hating" you!. I don't think it is hate!. It is more like a lack of familiarity!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

Your right it's a toughie !!
However i have a step daughter that's 14 and i'm 26 so there's not alot of age between us!. I have also 3 younger kids of my own (2 with her dad) and i struggle to know what's the best way/thing to do towards her when she plays up!. But i know one thing!.!.!. i love her as my own and i shall continue to care and look out for her then maybe one day she'll realize that she's to buck her ideas up!.
I'm hoping that she'll soon grow out of itWww@Enter-QA@Com

ok, most of the answers were great!. I agree with the counselling parts, and yes, there is some resentment there!. After all, you are taking the place of,and are a sub for,their parent!. In the mindest of teens: there are TWO parents, everyone else is a poser!. Sometimes, ppl will open up to a stranger rather than a close personal friend!. I am that way!. ppl here know stuff about me that my clsest friends dont know!.!.!. ( like how I am still grieving for a certain late celeb)Www@Enter-QA@Com

If he's a teen!.!.!.!.then it may be more the "age" than anything!.!.!.I had 3 step children!.!.!.2 of them lived with us!.!.!.they are all grown now, but one of them hated me!.!.!.I just kept on "including" them in everything and making them fell important!.!.!.he will test your patience over and over!.!.!.but in the long run!.!.!.sometime in the future, he will thank you for you kindness!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

He doesn't hate you; he just doesn't understand his position in the family!. Take yourself outside the role of step parent and see him as an individual!. Find out his likes and dislikes and the only way to find out, is to talk on a one-to-one basis!. You probably want to take him to a place where the both can be separated from the family and get to know him better!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

Oh wow!.!.!. That would suck!. But u didn't say how old he is!. Girl, I can't relate totally, but I feel for ya!. Sometimes I think my man's daughter don't come around much anymore because I really don't think she likes me!. It upsets me, because I really don't want to marry somebody whose kid hates me!. I really don't know how u deal (by living with him) because I would be laying the smack down if the kid was disrespecting me!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

talk to your hubby about his behavior and have a family meeting whereby you guys talk about what's bothering him,and why he dislikes you so much, and if nothing cannot be resolved, then i suggest that you guys seek counselling!.I hope everything works out for you guys!Www@Enter-QA@Com

Give it time it takes a while to get used to a step parent especially if they were really close to the parent that left!. Just be nice, take him/her to places he/she loves, talk to him/her, help him/her with homework, etc!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

Stay sweet and hope for the best!.That's about all you can do!. The rest is up to the kid!.Keep yourself available as a person he/she can turn to!.One day the kid will need you!.he/she just doesn't realize it yet!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

You and the husband and the kid all need to go to some sort of counseling!. I wish you the best on fixing this problem, good luck!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

It's inevitable!. 9 out of 10 step children hate their step parents!. Can you really blame them!? You're acting as a substitute for their real parents!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

Maybe is the way you treat him, try talkin to the kid!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

I treated her like she was my own!. I loved her and taught her what I could, then she decided to live with her mom!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

I would be more closer to him*Www@Enter-QA@Com

you dont have to, just let him be, that asshole will grow out of it!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

just kill him with kindnessWww@Enter-QA@Com

just kinda back off and give him time!. he may not like you becuz he didn't want his dad/mom 2 get married!. just maybe talk 2 ur husband/wife about it!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

kick his *** and break all his stuff, then chuck him out of the hosue and say "what now bich!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com

go to individual and family counselingWww@Enter-QA@Com



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