What do you think of my poem? ?!


Question: What do you think of my poem!? !?

I got into writing poetry because of my g/f!. She is pretty good, I only have been writing for a couple months and I haven't wrote that many!. What do you think!?

His hands tremble while his back is against the wall!.
His fears feeding his mind while he predicts the time of his fall!.

He knows that as of now its the time to stand up
He believes his story has been written while the pages fill up!.

His will shall carry on into the mists of evermore
His nerves are badly torn while apprehension knocks at the door!.

He begins to tighten his grip while his lungs begin to fill
He falls to the floor while his heart beats to a rhythm that will surely kill

His life is taken away while the ghosts hold their roses!.
His chapter has ended while the book that explains his life forever closes
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Answers:
your gf is probably better
but nice tryWww@Enter-QA@Com

I actually picture a dude smoking crack!.!.!.

Anyway, it is pretty good, not really my style, but good except for the last stanza:

"His life is taken away while the ghosts hold their roses!.
His chapter has ended while the book that explains his life forever closes"


The ghost part doesn't go with the rest and seems a stretch to get the 'book closes' part in there!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

itz very passionate and i feel the emotion ozing out of it
either way it is a good poem for your gilfriend if she was depressed and needed something to make her feel better, but either way itz {aight'} 0:Www@Enter-QA@Com

I really like it, I envisioned everything that was going on and almost felt I was him!. That's great, you know you're doing good when you bring your audience into the piece!. keep it up!



http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index!?!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

it sounds to forceful (the rhymes) and it sounds like someone talking it doesn't sound like someone speaking a poem

Other then that its okWww@Enter-QA@Com

Its really good take your poetry a step furtherWww@Enter-QA@Com

i dont know why but i keep picturing some dude taking a huge hit of weed from a bong when i read thisWww@Enter-QA@Com

its just ok, you need more feeling in it talk about how he is feeling at the time, not enough emotion!. Www@Enter-QA@Com

It would be good if it wasn't so crap!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

It's a bit wordy!. Maybe try to shorten the lines and extend the verses!. Just my opinion!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

I like it!.!.!. your description and words actually make sense!. Good job-Www@Enter-QA@Com

NICE!Www@Enter-QA@Com

It's okWww@Enter-QA@Com

Its about death or dying!? I like it enough Www@Enter-QA@Com

deepWww@Enter-QA@Com

That's so ****** pritty!.
Like!.
I couldn't take my eyes off of it!. D:


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i like it, very good! Www@Enter-QA@Com

is horrible!.i will trow up now!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

Very GoodWww@Enter-QA@Com



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