Make me laugh!?!
Question: For some reason this always makes my friends laugh because to be honest, I'm pretty much a tomboy.
"This morning, it was so scary because, When I woke up I ran to the mirror and my hair was a mess!!!! "
Sooooooo.... If you can make ME laugh, The ten points will be yours! Oh yeah, Porn jokes don't make me laugh.
Answers: For some reason this always makes my friends laugh because to be honest, I'm pretty much a tomboy.
"This morning, it was so scary because, When I woke up I ran to the mirror and my hair was a mess!!!! "
Sooooooo.... If you can make ME laugh, The ten points will be yours! Oh yeah, Porn jokes don't make me laugh.
a little boy went on a school trip, first they went to the airport. he asked "whats that?" and the teacher said, "take off". then they went to the zoo, he asked "whats that?" and a posh lady next to him said "zeebra". finally they went to a shop, he asked "whats that?" and a lady said "baby".
when the little boy got home his mum asked him "what did you learn today?" and he replied "take off zeebra baby"
He survived that
Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!"
"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that..."
"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"He was wrecking my house."
If you are a regular in the Jokes & Riddles section, you probably seen these jokes I posted before,,,but what the heck,,,,,They are still good for a laugh,,,,
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
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A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by a fierce tribe. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over --the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"
The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, asshole!"
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It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl.
After a year she went into the hospital to give birth.
The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"
He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running."
The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?"
He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running."
The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be quite a man."
He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running."
The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil, this one's black!"
I'm not sure if you've heard this before or not, but I'll give it a shot.
Teacher: "Ok, now kids, I want you to go home and get some spelling words for tommorrow's test.
Children get on the bus and go home.
One child named David, went to ask his mother who's on the phone, for a spelling word that he could share with his class the next day, Mother: "Shut up!"
so he write's down, Shut up!
David goes to his older brother who is busy playing a Superman video game, David ask's him the same question he asked his mother, Older Brother: "Superman!"
so David writes down Superman!
Next place David goes to is his sisters bedroom, she is listening to music, as David did with his other family members, he asked the same question, Older sister: "Ya ya ya!"
David writes down Ya ya ya!
David goes to school the next day and the teacher asks him, "So David, did you get any spelling words yesterday?"
David: "Shut up!"
Teacher: "Who do you think you are?!"
David:"Superman!"
Teacher:"Do you want to go to the principal's office, young man!?!"
David: "Ya ya ya!"
:D
hope you liked it.
Miscellaneous - Things To Do In An Elevator
1. Grimace painfully while smacking your foreheadand muttering:
"Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World"
incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside
ask: "Got enough air in there?"
4. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,
without getting off.
5. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors
open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
6. Snicker as each person leaves the elevator.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake
and ask them to call you Admiral.
8. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then
announce: "I've got new socks on!"
9. Meow occasionally.
10. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
11. Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce "You're
one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
12. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your
beeper?"
13. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
14. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
15. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
16. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
17. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host
body."
18. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button."
well i thnk dat u iznt evan funy, u not evan mak funy joks. y r u a idiot?