Tell me a joke, story, riddle or anything?!
Question: Tell me a joke, story, riddle or anything!?
just respond with a story, dream, joke, random/funny fact about yourself, riddle, anything!. im bored!. hahaWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
I shot the dog!.!.!.!.
A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a
masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach!. Luckily the babies are okay!. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate!.
All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears!. "What's wrong!?" asks the mother!.
"I was having a pee and this bullet came out" replies the daughter!. The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago!. About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears!.
"Mom, I was having a pee and this bullet came out"!. Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago!. A week later the boy walks into the room in tears!.
"It's okay" says the mom, "I know what happened, you were having a pee and a bullet came out!."
"No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog!."
Poor daddy
One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast!. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores!."
A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores!. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it!. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig!.
When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal!. "Where is the bacon, eggs and milk!?" asks the little boy!. His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"
Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat!. The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I!?"
Midnight Snack
A colleague approached this man at lunch that invited him out for a few beers after work!. The man said that his wife would never go for it, and that she does not allow him to go drinking with the guys after work!.
The colleague suggested a way to overcome that problem: "When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife's panties, and give her oral sex!. Women love it, and believe me, she'll never mention that you were out late with the boys!."
So the man agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself!.
Late that night, he sneaked into the house, slid down under the sheets, gently slid down his wife's panties, and gave her oral sex!. She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realized he had to take a leak, so he told he he'd be right back, got out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom!.
When he opened the door and went in, he was very surprised to see his wife sitting on the john!.
"How did you get in here!?" he asked!.
"Shhh!" she replied, "you'll wake-up my mother!"
Three mice at the bar
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are!.
The first mouse downs a shot of Jack Daniel's, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot!.
When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese!."
The second mouse orders up two shots of Bombay Sapphire, downs them both, slams each glass into the bar!.
Turns to the first mouse, and replies: "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day!.
"The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse!.
The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit!. I got to go home and **** the cat!."
ATM!.!.!.
One day, three friends went to this "Gentlemen's Club!." One of the friends wanted to impress the other two, so he pulls out a $10 bill!. The "dancer" came over to them, and the one friend licked the $10 and put it on her butt!.
Not to be outdone, the other friend pulls out a $50 bill!. He calls the girl back over, licks the $50, and puts it on her other cheek!.
Now the attention is focused on the third guy!. He got out his wallet, thought for a minute!.!.!. then got out his ATM card, swiped it down her crack, grabbed the 60 bucks, and headed for the door!.
Gimme best answer :D:D:DWww@Enter-QA@Com
A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a
masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach!. Luckily the babies are okay!. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate!.
All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears!. "What's wrong!?" asks the mother!.
"I was having a pee and this bullet came out" replies the daughter!. The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago!. About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears!.
"Mom, I was having a pee and this bullet came out"!. Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago!. A week later the boy walks into the room in tears!.
"It's okay" says the mom, "I know what happened, you were having a pee and a bullet came out!."
"No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog!."
Poor daddy
One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast!. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores!."
A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores!. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it!. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig!.
When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal!. "Where is the bacon, eggs and milk!?" asks the little boy!. His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"
Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat!. The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I!?"
Midnight Snack
A colleague approached this man at lunch that invited him out for a few beers after work!. The man said that his wife would never go for it, and that she does not allow him to go drinking with the guys after work!.
The colleague suggested a way to overcome that problem: "When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife's panties, and give her oral sex!. Women love it, and believe me, she'll never mention that you were out late with the boys!."
So the man agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself!.
Late that night, he sneaked into the house, slid down under the sheets, gently slid down his wife's panties, and gave her oral sex!. She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realized he had to take a leak, so he told he he'd be right back, got out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom!.
When he opened the door and went in, he was very surprised to see his wife sitting on the john!.
"How did you get in here!?" he asked!.
"Shhh!" she replied, "you'll wake-up my mother!"
Three mice at the bar
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are!.
The first mouse downs a shot of Jack Daniel's, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot!.
When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese!."
The second mouse orders up two shots of Bombay Sapphire, downs them both, slams each glass into the bar!.
Turns to the first mouse, and replies: "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day!.
"The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse!.
The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit!. I got to go home and **** the cat!."
ATM!.!.!.
One day, three friends went to this "Gentlemen's Club!." One of the friends wanted to impress the other two, so he pulls out a $10 bill!. The "dancer" came over to them, and the one friend licked the $10 and put it on her butt!.
Not to be outdone, the other friend pulls out a $50 bill!. He calls the girl back over, licks the $50, and puts it on her other cheek!.
Now the attention is focused on the third guy!. He got out his wallet, thought for a minute!.!.!. then got out his ATM card, swiped it down her crack, grabbed the 60 bucks, and headed for the door!.
Gimme best answer :D:D:DWww@Enter-QA@Com
Here are some jokes:
Two cannibals are sitting together and sharing a clown for lunch!.
Suddenly, the one canniball turns to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you!?!?"
Yo' mama so fat it took the train conductor 2 hours to say "All Aboard"!
Chuck Norris actually passed away five years ago but God is afraid to tell him !!
One afternoon a blonde was in the middle of mowing her lawn when the family cat accidentally got in the way and OUCH! it's tail got caught in the lawn mower and was sliced clean off!. The blonde, near hysteria, grabs both the cat and severed tail and drives like a maniac to the nearest Super Walmart!.
Why WALMART and not the veterinarian!?
The blonde had heard someone say that Super Walmarts are the largest and biggest RE-TAIL-ERS in the world !!
Q: What has four legs and an arm!?
A: A pitbull !!
Q: Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men!?
A: It changes their blood type!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two cannibals are sitting together and sharing a clown for lunch!.
Suddenly, the one canniball turns to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you!?!?"
Yo' mama so fat it took the train conductor 2 hours to say "All Aboard"!
Chuck Norris actually passed away five years ago but God is afraid to tell him !!
One afternoon a blonde was in the middle of mowing her lawn when the family cat accidentally got in the way and OUCH! it's tail got caught in the lawn mower and was sliced clean off!. The blonde, near hysteria, grabs both the cat and severed tail and drives like a maniac to the nearest Super Walmart!.
Why WALMART and not the veterinarian!?
The blonde had heard someone say that Super Walmarts are the largest and biggest RE-TAIL-ERS in the world !!
Q: What has four legs and an arm!?
A: A pitbull !!
Q: Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men!?
A: It changes their blood type!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A man with extreme faith in god is out alone in the middle of the ocean (I guess he is just floating or something)
A boat comes by and the man in the boat asks the man in the water if he would like some help!. The man in the water says, "No thank you, God will save me!." So the man in the boat just keeps going past!.
A second boat comes by and the man in the boat asks the man in the water if he would like some help!. The man in the water says, "No thank you, God will save me!." So the man in the boat just keeps going past!.
A third boat comes by and the same thing happens!. The guy in the boat offers help and the man in the water says "No thank you!."
Finally the guy in the water can no longer stay afloat I guess, so he drowns and when he gets to heaven he says "God, why didnt you say me!?"
Then God responds, "Well i sent you THREE BOATS you idiot!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
A boat comes by and the man in the boat asks the man in the water if he would like some help!. The man in the water says, "No thank you, God will save me!." So the man in the boat just keeps going past!.
A second boat comes by and the man in the boat asks the man in the water if he would like some help!. The man in the water says, "No thank you, God will save me!." So the man in the boat just keeps going past!.
A third boat comes by and the same thing happens!. The guy in the boat offers help and the man in the water says "No thank you!."
Finally the guy in the water can no longer stay afloat I guess, so he drowns and when he gets to heaven he says "God, why didnt you say me!?"
Then God responds, "Well i sent you THREE BOATS you idiot!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two men are on a road trip and there car breaks down convienantly in front of a mechanic/hotel!.
They push the car into mechanics garage and he says that it'll take 3-4 days for him to get the car up and running again!.
So!.!.!. they check into the hotel, and on the first night one of the men hears a "Pitter-patter, pitter-patter, click, swish, awwwww"
He wakes up the next morning and asks his buddy!.!.!. "What the hell was that noise!?"
His buddy looks and say, "oh!.!.!. well!.!.!. the "pitta-patter pitta-patter was me running cross the floor!.!.!.!. the click was me turning off the light!.!.!. the swish was me flying through the air!.!.!.!. and the awwww!.!.!.!. was me landing safely in my bed!.
The man heard the same thing for the next couple nights and on the last night he heard a, "Pitter-patter, pitter-patter, click, swish, BLOOD CURTLING SCREEM!"
The next morning the man asked his buddy!.!.!. "Now what the hell was THAT noise!."
And he says!.!.!. "well!.!.!. the "pitta-patter pitta-patter was me running cross the floor!.!.!.!. the click was me turning off the light!.!.!. the swish was me flying through the air!.!.!.!. and the blood curtling screen was me catching my balls on the bed post!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
They push the car into mechanics garage and he says that it'll take 3-4 days for him to get the car up and running again!.
So!.!.!. they check into the hotel, and on the first night one of the men hears a "Pitter-patter, pitter-patter, click, swish, awwwww"
He wakes up the next morning and asks his buddy!.!.!. "What the hell was that noise!?"
His buddy looks and say, "oh!.!.!. well!.!.!. the "pitta-patter pitta-patter was me running cross the floor!.!.!.!. the click was me turning off the light!.!.!. the swish was me flying through the air!.!.!.!. and the awwww!.!.!.!. was me landing safely in my bed!.
The man heard the same thing for the next couple nights and on the last night he heard a, "Pitter-patter, pitter-patter, click, swish, BLOOD CURTLING SCREEM!"
The next morning the man asked his buddy!.!.!. "Now what the hell was THAT noise!."
And he says!.!.!. "well!.!.!. the "pitta-patter pitta-patter was me running cross the floor!.!.!.!. the click was me turning off the light!.!.!. the swish was me flying through the air!.!.!.!. and the blood curtling screen was me catching my balls on the bed post!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Whats a pirate's favorite letter!?
R!
Whats a Spanish pirate's favorite letter!?
R! (Roll your tongue)Www@Enter-QA@Com
R!
Whats a Spanish pirate's favorite letter!?
R! (Roll your tongue)Www@Enter-QA@Com
Did you hear about the jerk in the M&M factory who was in quality control, and he kept rejecting the M&M's that had W's on them!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse!.!." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse!.!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Did you hear about the race in the garden!? The cabbage was ahead,the hose was running,and the tomato WAS trying to ketchup{catch up}Www@Enter-QA@Com
there was a farmer , who had a dog and BINGO was his name-o B-I-N-G-O bingo bingo and BINGO was his mother ******* name-oWww@Enter-QA@Com
When I was in first grade, I pooped my pants on the bus ride home!.Www@Enter-QA@Com