Do you like this song i wrote? :] ?!
Question: Do you like this song i wrote!? :] !?
its 11:11 im staring at the clock!.
i stayed up all night, just so we could talk!.
im thinking of a wish!. but the truth is!.
i have everything i want right now!.
Chorus:
did you even once think that i loves you!? that you maybe felt the same!. we were so damn close!. you were the one that i choose!
well now!. who are you!?
i thought i knew!.!.
its 11:11 im looking at the clock!.
im not so sure what my wish is now that your gone!.
im wishing for you back!.
cuz i neeed you near!.
and right now i really need to hear!.
that you feel, the same!.
Chorus:
Did you ever once think that i loved you!?
But we feel apart!.!.
maybe you feel the same, and maybe you dont!.
i wanna get back to when we were so close!.
but you changed, who are you!?
i thought i knew!.!.
its 11:11 im cryin at the clock!.
and i know its to late to make the wish i really want!.
so my wish is!.
that i forget!.
every lie you ever said!
Chorus:
Did you ever once think that i loved you!?
i know you dont feel the same!.
we were so close, but it all went away!
i thought i knew you, but i guessed wrong!.
now i know its to late!.
and that your gone!.!.
its different now!. who are you!?
i honestly thought i knew!.
i thought i knew!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
i stayed up all night, just so we could talk!.
im thinking of a wish!. but the truth is!.
i have everything i want right now!.
Chorus:
did you even once think that i loves you!? that you maybe felt the same!. we were so damn close!. you were the one that i choose!
well now!. who are you!?
i thought i knew!.!.
its 11:11 im looking at the clock!.
im not so sure what my wish is now that your gone!.
im wishing for you back!.
cuz i neeed you near!.
and right now i really need to hear!.
that you feel, the same!.
Chorus:
Did you ever once think that i loved you!?
But we feel apart!.!.
maybe you feel the same, and maybe you dont!.
i wanna get back to when we were so close!.
but you changed, who are you!?
i thought i knew!.!.
its 11:11 im cryin at the clock!.
and i know its to late to make the wish i really want!.
so my wish is!.
that i forget!.
every lie you ever said!
Chorus:
Did you ever once think that i loved you!?
i know you dont feel the same!.
we were so close, but it all went away!
i thought i knew you, but i guessed wrong!.
now i know its to late!.
and that your gone!.!.
its different now!. who are you!?
i honestly thought i knew!.
i thought i knew!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Don't change the chorus!. Keep the chorus exactly the same each time, unless you absolutely have to change it, and if you do, only change one or two words!. The point of the chorus is to have something to sing along to, something that sums up your song!.!.!. if it always changes, how can it sum up your song!? Use the verses and bridge to tell your story, use the chorus to really hit home with your message!.
Your first verse is the strongest!. Maybe take out the second chorus and turn it to a bridge to go after that second verse, or put another verse after the first one!.
If you're going to use a specific time like that, why not change it to show how time progresses!? For instance, the first one could be 11:11, the second could be 11:15, the next could be a quarter after twelve, each of these gives you a new way to rhyme, a different spin, and shows action, a progression how as time passes, your emotions develop and intensify!. Likewise, using verbs to go along with the clock, "staring" -> "looking" -> "crying" isn't as powerful as "staring" -> "crying" -> "screaming" or something like that!. Do you see what I mean!? Develop your emotions, build them over time!.
A stricter rhyme scheme would help!.!.!. like how each verse has a different number of lines, a different number of syllables per line, etc!.!.!.!. make them consistent, otherwise it feels scattered and lost, and won't translate well when put against music!.
Needs a lot of polish, but I think you've got a good idea to start from!.
SaulWww@Enter-QA@Com
It's good and very similar to Konstantine by Something Corporate with the 11:11 reference and the song being about a broken relationship!. I like it!.
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=ZMwI1DlZp!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=ZMwI1DlZp!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
There are some great ideas here! Your verb agreement could use a little fixing up, but overall, good job!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
i like it alot
but u repeat the same thing over and over
try adding another verse that u dont repeatWww@Enter-QA@Com
but u repeat the same thing over and over
try adding another verse that u dont repeatWww@Enter-QA@Com
That's really good!. :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
i like it!.!.!.but i sang the song as a hip hop one soo !.!.yeahh lolzz!.!.but the lyrics are great :PWww@Enter-QA@Com
wow!
That's REALLY good!Www@Enter-QA@Com
That's REALLY good!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Nope!.Www@Enter-QA@Com